As a teen, I really wanted a girlfriend. Figuring out women out was the first logical step. I looked to Hollywood films, men’s mags and the people around me for information on what women want.
Most of what I learned was bullshit. Most people – and society at large – have a warped idea of what girls like. Believing in that idea kept me single and celibate for years – and it might be doing the same for you.
Have you ever wondered why a girl you like is dating that asshole? Have you tried being romantic only to get rejection after rejection? Have you ever been dumped for a bogus reason despite being a model boyfriend?
If so, you probably believe in some – or all – of these 5 dumb things men think women want. Read this post and get familiar with the cold, hard truth!
Ridiculous Thing #1 – Ripped Abs, Bulging Biceps and Muscular Chests
Most guys work out to look good for the ladies. They try to get ripped abs, thick chests and big arms. I know men who literally train nothing else because “legs, shoulders and back don’t matter to women… right?“
Wrong.
It’s true that women like fit guys; studies show that muscular dudes are twice as sexy as non-muscular ones. But David Givens (Ph.D) found that women like a nice V-shape and firm glutes first and foremost.
To be more specific, girls are turned on by the following:
- Broad Shoulders.
- Strong Back.
- Flat (not ripped) stomach.
- Nice ass.
That’s why your bench press, bicep-curl and ab crunch routine sucks. Tiny legs and a huge upper body aren’t just assymetrical – they’re unattractive. Next time you hit the gym, do some pull-ups and squats, dude!
Ridiculous Thing #2 – Sweet, Friendly Guys
I blame Hollywood for this one. Can you remember the last time the bad guy got the girl in a movie? I know I can’t. The sweet, caring guy always gets the girl – and somehow you’ve come to believe that being nice will get you laid, too!
Unfortunately, a recent study shows that brooding men are more attractive than cheerful ones. And guess what else? Chicks dig men who’s feelings are unclear. Here’s why.
Being unconditionally friendly and smiling all the time projects that you want to be liked. This indicates you feel the girl has more value than you. And since women are interested in successful, high-value men, that’s really unattractive.
Displaying a full range of emotions – positive and negative – is much sexier. Women like guys who treat them fairly, rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior. Remember that the next time you feel like being sweet.
Ridiculous Thing #3 – Good Women Don’t Love Sex
We idolize virgins and look down on girls who are open about enjoying a good fuck. The idea is, a good woman doesn’t love sex. We fall for the ones who make us wait; the ones who don’t put out until we’ve “proven” ourselves to them.
It’s because society programs us to put feminine innocence on a pedestal. The rom-com hero never goes for a sexually experienced chick: he goes for the “one special girl” who won’t have him. Girls who have sex on the first date aren’t “relationship material.”
Why?
Girls want sex, love and romance just as much as we do. Expecting girls to be “pure” is a weird form of objectification – and a surefire way to never get laid. If you want to find a cool chick, check for the girl that does it on the first date.
Ridiculous Thing #4 – Women Know What They Want
Guys get real sensitive when they’re trying to seduce a girl. We’re afraid of upsetting women, being thought of as weird and losing your shot to have glorious, steamy sex. So we carefully listen to what girls say they want and give it to them.
Only problem is, women don’t know what they want. They don’t understand attraction – generally speaking, they’re blissfully unaware of why they like some men and not others. Why else would they claim to like sweet guys but sleep with assholes?
Personally, I hate discussing attraction with women because they always say the same thing: that would never work on me. Even the girls I date don’t believe me when I explain the psychology behind why they like me!
You don’t fully understand why certain women attract you, so why expect anything different from the opposite sex? Do your thing, be yourself and don’t count on women to know what they want.
Ridiculous Thing #5 – Feminine Men Are Sexy To Women
This isn’t about social equality – this is about sexual equality.
The androgynous man is everywhere, from billboards to Hollywood movies. Waxed chests, skinny jeans and girly guys are in. And you’d think that girls find feminine men attractive.
Nothing could be further from the truth. Women are attracted to dominant, strong, confident men who can make them feel protected. As this Psychology Today article puts it, gender equality inhibits arousal.
Don’t be afraid to embrace your masculinity. Be a man, man – it’s what ladies dig!
At the end of the day, it’s all about being real. No matter what society tries to tell you, don’t be afraid to express your sexuality; your masculinity; the innate confidence and assertiveness we all have as men.
Oh, and stop doing the bench presses and curls 3 times a week. Real men do squats.
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
This article is just reflection of how I see things. I have actually stopped watching hollywood movies. It’s always the nice little boy who gets the women and in reality that is far from the truth.
It’s true that women don’t know what they want. However, I told my girlfriend why she found me so attractive and she totally agreed. Although, If women directly without explaining the masculine traits. They will always tell you the nice little boy.
I really loved your article. It seemed like you put to words my personal thoughts lol.
Thank you for the kind words
. I think that when you spend a lot of time around women, you understand things differently from the average guy. And it’s really cool that your girlfriend actually agrees with you!
George
Speaking of ridiculous frames set by Hollywood movies… I just saw Scott Pilgrim vs. The World recently. What a sad example of a guy throwing away a cute girl who’s totally into him for a meh girl with more red flags than Tiananmen Square, an attitude as bad as a cave troll and who simply just isn’t all that into him. Hilarious movie, had a lot of fun watching it, but the movie’s choice of the meh girl over the cute girl in the end was wack to the highest degree. Be Amazing,
JR
Wait! I’m confused; not sure which girl is which here. Didn’t he end up with the girl he wanted in the end?
I loved the movie too, it was cool to see all my nerd fantasies come to life
. It’s interesting that actors like Michael Cera are getting more shine now; I guess they’re more relatable to the average joe.
Ah, my bad. To clarify- Scott ended up with Ramona, which is who he wanted. My criticism is more with the message of the story rather than Scott’s individual taste in women.
By him choosing Ramona (bad attitude, tons of baggage, not all that into him) over Knives (upbeat, happy, totally into him) the movie gives off the subtext that the goal for guys is to win a long, hard, difficult battle against the very girl they’re trying to get.
In my experience, and in the experience of all the happy couples I know, that’s completely the opposite. When girls have a load of baggage (ie, Ramona’s ex’es) and aren’t into the guy right from the beginning (ie, Ramona grudgingly accepts Scott’s first date offer only after he awkwardly chases her), the guy usually ends up with more scars, lost time and an emo heartache.
When the girls come to the guy with an open minded, flexible, generous, caring attitude (ie, Knives being impressed with Sex Bomb-omb’s band practice) and she’s totally into him (ie, Knives is obviously into him the whole movie), the couple can relax and just have an Amazing time together. Biggest problem I see with Knives is that she’s young and naive. Besides that, she’s got Ramona beat in about every other attitude factor when it comes to looking for the kind of woman we want to date.
Scott threw away a Rolex so he could try to put a plastic scrunchy on his wrist that didn’t even fit.
So true. I don’t know which girl was right for Scott, but I often think about why we want the women we can’t have.
I feel that when you chase a girl, you build up her value in your mind. In my case, it’s an ego thing. When a girl’s cold to me, my first impulse is to think: “huh, I guess she must be really cool if she’s treating me this way.” Of course, this is faulty thinking – but that’s the impulse
.
The best way to deal with this, I’ve found, is to create options for yourself. When you have a lot of girls who like you, the ones who don’t seem unimportant.
The other thing that helps is meditation. When you’re aware of your own thoughts, it’s easy to tell if you only want a girl to prove something to yourself.
Thanks for your insights, good stuff as always
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This if my first time stopping by your blog and I know it won’t be my last after reading your blog post. You’re head on with this post when it comes to women. I know that most of them honestly don’t know what they want. Their truly lost and most of them when you do explain to them always say “that doesn’t work on me” and then 10 minutes later that exact thing is working. (Funny moment haha).
But, you’re dead on with all of your reasons. Thanks for this blog post.
Thanks, man! Also, you have the most bad-ass name ever, glad to have you here
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