To men, “Does my ass look fat in this?” is the most ridiculous girl-question ever. We don’t see why it matters and laugh at how insecure women are about looks.
But haven’t you ever wondered if you’re good enough?
Us men freak out if we can’t perform in bed. We put women on pedestals and let them intimidate us. If another guy is better at something – work, sports, being liked by people – we beat ourselves up.
The fact is, we can be just insecure as women. As a man, your life is full of challenges; questioning your value and importance is natural.
Why do these feelings arise – and how do you know if you’re good enough?
Where Does The Self-Doubt Come From?
Yesterday, I read a popular magazine for the first time in years. Every page was filled with advice on how I’m supposed to look, dress and act. It made me remember that Western culture gives you a million reasons to feel like shit.
We’re obsessed with winning; with being the best. We’re always chasing the next thing that’s supposed to make us happy. We look at models, movie stars and athletes and try to mimic them and their perfect lives.
The fucked up thing is, those celebrities aren’t real. The people we see on T.V. screens and magazine covers don’t exist. They’re manufactured products – it’s all make-up, lighting, great packaging and artificial hype.
Still, we expect ourselves to match up to these imaginary characters. We want to be picture-perfect and the thought of screwing up terrifies us. On a deep level, that’s what self-doubt is: the fear of trying to be good enough and failing.
Good Enough: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
Practitioners of certain martial arts break boards and bricks to test their strength. The usual advice is to “punch through the board.” Punch at the board instead and you’ll stop yourself early, injuring yourself and breaking nothing.
The same principle applies in life. If you take action while wondering if you’re good enough, you’ll stop yourself short of success. No matter what you do, your mind will stop you just as you reach your goals.
Regular people do amazing things all the time. The difference between them and the grey masses is simple: they punch through the board. They believe they’re good enough, and that faith becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you tell yourself you’re only good enough to make a little money and have a shitty life, that’s what you’ll get. If you feel entitled to have the best of everything, that’s what you’ll get. It really is that simple.
Do Other People Think You’re Good Enough?
In social settings, we’re constantly scouting the environment to see how other people are acting. Based on that information, we determine their worth and our own social value in relation to them.
Let’s say you walk up to some strangers. You’re shy, your voice is quivering and you’re smiling way too much. If you try to start a conversation, they’ll brush you off because you’re letting them know you’re a loser in these subtle ways.
Now let’s say you act friendly, crack jokes and assert yourself instead. This time, you’re acting like a man of value – and that’s how they will treat you, too. Instead of ignoring you, they’ll make an effort to be liked by you.
So once again, it’s all about how you feel. If you punch AT the board and wonder about being good enough, other people will wonder the same thing. If you choose to act confidently, other people will accept you as a high-value individual.
In The End
Being good enough isn’t something you are or aren’t – it’s something you choose to be. As soon as you make that choice, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You can keep questioning your self-worth or you can let yourself be the awesome dude we both know you really are. What’s it gonna be?
