Every day, junk information is thrown at us from every direction: TV; newspapers; gossip from acquaintances; the internet (the master source of all useless trivia).
Some of this information is about women and attracts the attention of guys looking for helpful dating advice. The challenge is finding the signal over all the noise.
With so much fluff out there, where do you start? And more importantly, since so much of this advice is directly contradictory, who should you believe?
Dealing With Contradictory Dating Advice
I’m sure you’ve heard each of the following more than once:
A1. “You should smile and be friendly when talking with women, it’ll make them feel comfortable.”
A2. “You shouldn’t smile; James Bond doesn’t smile when he talks to women and he’s the smoothest guy ever.”
B1. “You should wear something that makes you stand out and be unique, you know, like a giant fuzzy top hat!”
B2. “You shouldn’t wear weird things that draw negative attention to yourself.”
C1. “Alpha males are dudes who SMASH STUFF and don’t take crap from no one, GRRR!”
C2. “Alpha males are leaders who keep everyone working together towards a greater vision and cause.”
A lot of the dating advice you find online is contradictory, useless or crazy – but there are also many gems of wisdom out there. That’s why the best tip of all is this: be skeptical and test the dating tips you read by applying them.
To be clear, skepticism is NOT the same as being a naysayer or a hater who sits back, watches others take action and judges. I’m talking about the healthy skepticism of a man who doesn’t believe everything he hears.
So test scientifically and consistently. No need to get out your lab coat and beakers; simply raise an eyebrow and race to test out any advice you read with a curious, “hmmm, I wonder if that works.”
As you cultivate this habit of experimenting, you’ll find that you’re propelled actually talking to girls – lots of them. The fact is, the most fundamental aspect of improving your dating life is manning up, going outside and meeting to lots of women. Socializing constantly is the foundation on which everything else is built – no man has dated more women than he’s met!
The Benefits Of Skepticism
Having a keen sense of skepticism guards you from useless tips, malicious attempts to salt your game and even well-intentioned but misguided advice. What works for you, works for you, but what works for another guy may have no effect on – or even harm! – your game.
Everything that makes each person unique plays a factor: upbringing, cultural background, family relationships, previous romantic experiences, core values, and even seemingly unrelated things like taste in movies or sense of humor.
So when we hear vague advice like “Just be confident, man,” we can slice that junk data out right away since there’s no way to test it and get consistent results with a large sample pool of women-talked-to. (Be wary of vague dating advice that doesn’t actually give you specific actions you can take and test.)
And no, we’re not talking about “I tried this and it didn’t work on that one girl.” To conclude what actually works or not, you need sample pools of dozens, nay, hundreds, even thousands of women talked to in as short a time as possible, keeping all variables as consistent as possible. Usually, this requires getting up and out onto the streets of downtown to start rolling out tests. Tests like:
Do I get more phone numbers wearing blue ties or red ties?
Do I get more phone numbers while smiling or keeping a deadpan expression?
Do I get more phone numbers by saying “Tell me your phone number,” or by asking “What’s your phone number?
Once that’s done you can look back over your data. Which ties tested better, red or blue? Smile, or deadpan? Command, or question? What you’re left with is what works… For you.
You might find that with a big enough sample pool, you can pinpoint the most important variables in your success with women while realizing that most of the dating advice out there has absolutely nothing to do finding, meeting, attracting and keeping high value women of exceptional beauty and accomplishment (my favorite type).
How The Good Got Good
Want to talk about really getting an edge over the competition? Jerry Rice, one of the best NFL players of all time, said: “Today I will do what others won’t so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.”
Few guys bring this level of skepticism and scientific testing to the field of dating advice and use it to meet tons of women on a daily basis… So when you get out and start talking to lots women, you’ll be in a league of your own pretty soon.
After a while, it becomes hilarious to see dating advice in a mainstream sources or any of the goofy stuff in Cosmopolitan. Recently, I read something like “According to science, women are more attracted to men who share their emotions,” then goes on to cite a study done by undergrads who interviewed 22 other college students about their feelings. Without even getting into the shoddy research methods, the microscopic sample pool of 22 people pretty much disqualified any of the data right off the bat.
But before drawing any hasty conclusions, it might be a good idea to take the information from that article and turn it into a testable variable. One week or month spent meeting women while blubbering out emotions, and another sticking to the straight and narrow by practicing self-control and patience. Test it out yourself (I already know what works for me and every other guy I know who is successful with women).
Only way to know for sure is to Man Up, get out there and test it out by meeting massive numbers of attractive women.
Be Amazing,
John Robie
If you want to read more about the massive research and testing that the John Robie and the guys over at DateMasters are doing, check out DateMasters. The have a ton of free advice and articles that are all based on their research efforts approaching over 10,000 women a year. Click here for more tested dating advice for men.
{ 11 comments… read them below or add one }
A very interesting article. The reason that so few men use this type of testing and evaluation is because if a man planned to use one strategy on ten women but got to have sex with the fourth person he talked to, he usually ends the experiment. The next time he needs female companionship he return to the method that “works” no matter how lousy it might be.
Hey George, thanks for having me – always a pleasure.
@J. Delancy- “The reason that so few men use this type of testing and evaluation is because if a man planned to use one strategy on ten women but got to have sex with the fourth person he talked to, he usually ends the experiment.”
Agreed – I know many guys who would get massive benefits out of split testing what worked for them plus something else they’ve never tried while waiting until they have a big enough sample pool (200+ women talked to in less than a week) to draw any conclusions.
Be Amazing,
JR
@J
Agreed. As a dating coach, I saw this happen all the time. Guys would come thinking they want to get good with girls – or improve their social skills – and “end the experiment” prematurely. The intense discomfort of meeting new women and the deep comfort of a committed relationship means few guys stay in “the game” long enough to see what really works.
@John
I already told you, but I wanted to write something like this myself. The points you brought up should be gospel. Social skills are ultimately about practice, practice and more practice. Incidentally, this is why I rarely discuss dating/attraction outside of my business and this blog. Most people have strong opinions about the opposite of sex, but few of those opinions are worth listening to!
In my experience, women are attracted to those effeminate men, then they end up emasculated even more and in an unhappy relationship. http://bit.ly/P5HH9R
Everyone has their two cents when it comes to dating advice. So I am going to give my personal advice. You should generally go with what makes you feel confident and comfortable. If smiling all the time makes you feel good and confident then do that. If being quiet and a little more reserved does then that is what you should stick with. Everyone is different and you just have to find out what works for you.
Absolutely right. You can take advice from other people all day long, or you can go and experiment to see what works for you. The “experiment” route will always give you more results, no doubt!
Great post! BTW this is the best example “You should smile and be friendly when talking with women, it’ll make them feel comfortable.” and “You shouldn’t smile; James Bond doesn’t smile when he talks to women and he’s the smoothest guy ever.”
I some guys (me included) would prefer the second to be true….but not many of us can pull that off… despite sound easy as all you have to do is look awesome!
Yep; everyone’s different! Personally, I don’t look as cool as 007, so I have to smile a bit for girls to like me. One day; one day…
Men should not treat women as if they are just easy to get.. Men should treat them with respect and dignity. Because women are not toys, after you played with it then you’ll just leave it.
When it comes on dating life, Men should respect women. Never to be aggressive to a women your dating. http://www.attractioninstitute.org/dating-advice-for-real-men
Virtually all guys won’t admit it again, but most of you and me find “first date” experiences can start around mildly anxiety-provoking to absolute nerve-wracking. And usually, that’s for a very good reason. Like they assert: you never get a second chance to make a first impression. And the stakes should never be higher than when you’ve solely met a great woman that you could possibly share the rest in the world with, right?
So…once you have some of those first date “basics” covered (do I really have to say it? Things like good routine and manners) it’s enough time to master the 3 most powerful ways to make a great first impression even on a first date:
#1: Consult with A Woman Like It’s To start a date, Not A Job Meeting with them .
Men who focus on behaving politely for a fault on a first date are Much more likely to come across as stiff…anxious…or worst of their, totally BORING. These guys behave like they’re out on job interview or something. It is a fact, most women come beyond SUCCESSFUL first dates saying aspects such as, “He was so funny…there was this amazing chemistry between us…I look and feel something for him. ”
That’s why it’s critical that her man “heat up” gambling, polite first meetings not to mention conversations by nurturing appeal, enticement and excitement in any woman. The easiest way to accomplish this is to speak to her as should you wish to have fun — as if she’s a FRIEND as an alternative for a potential employer.
When the first “hello” moments of this date, feel free to try the usual conversation articles (careers, movies, whatever) and redirect the conversation in a fashion that creates FUN instead from TENSION and STIFFNESS. Should she’s wearing something significant, tease her gently to fix it. Ask her to hold the door for YOU. Tell her you’re sick of talking about your job…you’d rather go over an ultra-cool experience mobile computer had. Or (even better), person that SHE’S had.
Oh…and if she produces a compliment, take it as a chance to challenge her in small techniques that set you apart from that usual, nervous first big day guy. Make a joke like, “Look, I’m nothing like other guys. Compliments won’t allow you to receive anywhere. ”
In various words, treat her for a friend (and not like you’re attempting “win her over” not to mention impress her) and you’ll check out amazing results.
#2: Give up Asking Those Lethal “Attraction Killing” Thoughts
Once a woman you’ve just met starts to think about you in a specified way, she’s likely to have thinking of you in that way. This is why You ought to that men avoid typically the impulse to ask some of those standard “first date” questions in the slightest costs…most of which are actually guaranteed ATTRACTION KILLERS.
Even if it’s because he’s troubled, insecure, or just hasn’t plotted ahead, I can’t reveal how many men tell me construct y ask questions like, “So…how think it’s going? ” More intense: “Do you think we’re an outstanding match? ” Worst of their: “So, do you prefer me? ”
These styles of questions reek of desperation…and desperation will be biggest ATTRACTION KILLER, bartender none.
Instead, ask thoughts that signal you’re advised, inquisitive, and interesting.
#3: Take advantage of the Right Body Language
When you meet a woman for at first chance, I just can’t assert it enough…you MUST look at your body language. Since of course, it starts “speaking” for a woman before you ever previously say a word. This means making sure to look after eye contact (but don’t avoid to blink…there’s no easier way to find as a little tid bit scary).
Sit upright. If she ever draws back away from you, never “chase” their by leaning in. Preferably instead, make sure that you draw back, too. When you express themselves, use a low, time-consuming voice tone. If most people rush your words, you’re certainly going to stammer. During conversation, look the room a little to break the stress.
All of this gets you off for a great start — and just might keep you from losing the game play before it even sets out
So act like a person instead of a stiff…avoid demanding those “lethal” questions…use an appropriate body language…and getting an ideal SECOND date is almost assured.