“You’re not one of those pick-up artists though, are you?”
Two years ago, I got that line so often I stopped telling people I helped guys meet girls part-time. To the average person, a pick-up artist is both menacing and ridiculous: a weird guy trying to trick women into having sex with them.
That’s a shame, because the seduction community is full of amazing people. It’s also where some of the best self-improvement ideas originate these days. And funnily enough, pick-up artists aren’t just interested in getting laid.
So let’s take a quick look at what being a PUA (pick-up artist) is – and used to be.
In the beginning…
In the late 80’s, a guy called Ross Jeffries was seducing women using hypnosis/NLP and sharing his methods with others. His ideas were soon being spread online; this is how the Seduction Community began to take shape.
Jeffries’ techniques were verbal: you said certain phrases, used hypnotic suggestion and your “target” felt turned on and attracted to you. Being a pick-up artist was meant using NLP techniques to try and score with girls.
Until the early-mid nineties, there were few PUAs and fewer original ideas in the community. This started changing when other gurus started popping up online, each advocating his own method and techniques.
Mystery Method
One of these gurus was Mystery, who came up with most of what modern seduction theory is built on.
It was Mystery who coined terms like “Negs” (backhanded compliments) and “Peacocking” (looking flashy to attract attention); words now common enough to appear on mainstream sitcoms.
Mystery’s approach was thorough and systematic. His brand of seduction wasn’t just an offshoot of NLP: he analyzed, systematized and replicated the way attraction happens naturally.
This was a huge step-up from Ross Jeffries’ “Speed Seduction”, but there was still an emphasis on canned and practiced routines. Guys were getting laid, but the common approach was “synthetic.”
The Community was still underground at this point and things would’ve stayed that way, except…
A Few Years Later – PUAs In The Mainstream
In the early 2000’s, a journalist – Neil Strauss (a.k.a Style) – found out about the seduction community. Intrigued, he went to a Mystery-taught boot camp and eventually became a successful PUA and instructor.
In 2005, he published a book about his adventures. The book was called The Game and became a runaway bestseller. The Community was never secret – despite what the book’s full name suggests – but now it was very, very public.
The Game is an interesting read, and reflects the ideas widely held in the seduction community at the time. Characters focus on routines, theories and techniques; women are viewed as opponents to be “gamed” and sex as the prize.
Ultimately, the book drew thousands of guys to the Community. But it also created the image of a PUA as a guy who uses a façade to sleep with women. (In The Game, Mystery himself starts acting strange when he runs out of material a few weeks into knowing someone.)
What Happened Next
After The Game, the PUA scene really blew up. Suddenly, there were hundreds of gurus and dozens of websites about picking up girls. The community was buzzing with new members and ideas.
Over time, lots of guys became disillusioned with the synthetic approach. They outgrew canned routines; found they had trouble building genuine relationships; still felt awkward in everyday life.
For those reasons – and others – PUAs eventually started moving away from routines and into being awesome, sexy dudes. In fact, I haven’t heard an instructor recommend “negs” or “peacocking” to anyone in ages.
Today, there’s also a lot more variety. Many guys who started in the seduction community are now dating coaches and self-help specialists. They respect women, improve lives and have little in common with the “creepy” PUA stereotype.
The new generation of gurus is also different. DJ Fuji – someone I follow online – is a first-class PUA coach, but he also comes across as a cool dude. The values he talks about in his materials – respect, kindness, courage – are 100% positive.
Sure, being a pick-up artist is still about being able to have the women you want… But now it’s about other things, too: confidence; positivity; growth. At the end of the day, what’s so awful about guys becoming more all-around awesome?
For the record
If it wasn’t for my time as a PUA, I wouldn’t be writing this blog right now. I wouldn’t have the confidence and strength. I know it sounds dramatic, but joining The Community was one of the best choices I ever made.
I get why it’s easy to pigeonhole pick-up artists as creeps; I really do. But at the end of the day, the Community is a legitimate self-improvement movement that anyone can learn and benefit from.
