You jut met a fantastic girl. You’re both having fun, she’s cool and you want to see her again. All you need is her number.
For most men – pickup artists, hopeless romantics, regular dudes – this is where things get awkward. When do you ask? How to avoid rejection? What do you say?
I’ve seen a lot of bad advice – ranging from useless to creepy – on this topic. Some websites even have elaborate schemes and plans. But this way is simple, honest and effective.
No tricks, no bullshit; read up and start gettin’ them digits.
1 – Do It The Right Way
First thing’s first: a girl’s number, by itself, means very little. You just need it to make arrangements after your first meeting. What you really want is a date/sex/a relationship.
So focus on attracting her, not just exchanging contact details. Build a connection; explore commonalities; find something you both enjoy doing. Take your time – don’t just jump from small talk to “can I have your number.” If she likes you enough, getting her digits will be an afterthought.
The single best thing you can do?
Man up and arrange your next meeting before you have her contact details. If she says yes to “we should totally have coffee on Tuesday,” she’s committed to seeing you again. You’ll get the number automatically and have a date lined up.
Win-win.
2 – Plan B – Go Direct
You won’t always have the opportunity to build momentum and take things slow. Maybe you’re in a hurry; maybe you’re at a loud venue; maybe you talked to her earlier that night, wussed out and are making a last-ditch effort before leaving.
Whatever the scenario, Plan B is to be direct.
“Hey, you’re really fun. I’d like to keep talking to you, but I gotta go. Give me your number; if you turn out to be cool, we can grab a coffee next week.”
Tweak the words depending on the situation, but always be direct and confident about what you want, and why. Girls want to meet new guys too, so pulling this off isn’t hard!
3 – What To Say & Where To Point
When you’re popping the big question (OK, so it’s not that big), just act casual. Act like you expect her to cooperate and she will. A few pointers:
- Don’t ask “So can I have your number?” – say “Let’s exchange digits” or “Leave me your number” instead.
- As soon as you make the suggestion, whip your phone out. Remember – you expect her to cooperate.
- If she stalls, press the phone into her hands or get her started by saying the local area code out loud.
- Don’t try to suddenly change up your body language, it’ll just seem weird. Act natural.
- If you can, go for the number in the middle of a conversation – not at the end. It feels more natural.
- If you’re using Plan B, maintain eye contact until she starts talking.
4 – Deal With Resistance
Sometimes, you can do everything right and still get shot down. The 2 most common excuses are “I have a boyfriend” and “How about you give me your number?”
Giving her your number sucks because then you have no control over when/if she calls you. If she tries to do this, say it’s only fair you get hers too. If that doesn’t work, say you don’t pick up calls from unknown caller IDs and ask again.
As for boyfriends (and other excuses), you have several options.
Option 1 – On to the next one. There are millions of girls out there – why bother with one who isn’t enthusiastic about seeing you again? And if she really does have a boyfriend, do you want the drama?
Option 2 – Play off whatever she’s saying with jokes. “I have a boyfriend too, but you don’t see me bragging about it!” or “You have a boyfriend? Maybe he can cook cook for us later!” Then try again, either immediately or after a few minutes of chatting.
I’m not a fan of this approach because I don’t enjoy working through excuses; it sets a bad dynamic for the rest of the relationship. It does work, though!
Option 3 – Be honest.
“Look… I think you’re cool and I’m pretty awesome myself. At the end of the day, we’ll never meet each other again if we don’t like chatting on the phone. So let’s do this thang!”
I prefer options 1 and 3 because they’re natural to me, but they all work. Experiment and see what works. Just don’t waste time chasing flakey, difficult girls when millions of women would love to spend time with you.
5 – NO MORE “Let’s hang out sometime.” Make Specific Plans!
“Let’s hang out” is a popular line… and I hate it with a passion. Never use it to get a girl’s number.
Sure, she might want to see you “sometime,” but “sometime” is an abstract concept. When you ask her out the next day, you’ll have to go through all the motions again: make a connection, get her excited about meeting you, etc.
Cut your workload in half by setting a specific time and place – with backup options if necessary – ASAP. It makes the first date easy to set up and eliminates flakes.
Even if you don’t go on a date as planned, it’s better for you to be “the guy I couldn’t have coffee with last night” than “the guy I’ll hang out with… sometime.”
