(Warning: you’re about to read a long-ass post. It’s worth it.)
Sunday night, I was sitting at home, hoping to have a quiet night in for once. But when one of my earliest PUA mentors called me out of nowhere, I couldn’t say “No” and agreed to meet him in 30 minutes.
We had a very humbling conversation. 2 years ago, I was student and he was master. This time, he was in a slump and I had the opportunity to help him with some advice.
During our talk, he asked me: “So when did you give up? You say you’re happy, but you haven’t achieved all the goals you had in 2009.”
I looked across the table, puzzled. “Well, I don’t think I gave up. I still want a fancy car, a nice house and enough money to do whatever I want. I just choose not to be miserable while I’m working towards those things.”
Our conversation made me remember how I used to wake up feeling like shit every morning. I was doing everything I could to have the life I wanted, but my slow rate of progress was killing me.
Things are different now. I don’t have everything I want but I’m happy – my days of misery are over. I think that’s important. In a world of ambition, drive and high achievement, many people have forgotten how to be happy.
In fact, many people tell me they feel like they can’t stop struggling in their everyday lives. That’s why I want to share the main principles of enjoying yourself every day in this post.
Here’s how to stop struggling and start loving your life.
Misery: The Driver of Progress. Right?
I believe that the biggest positive changes in our lives happen when we’re driven to the edge. I’m not alone: the connection between unhappiness and success has been made many times (check out this New York Times article).
It makes perfect sense: when you’re dissatisfied with life, you have a great motivation to change things.
Many of modern history’s greatest achievers were underdogs with fire in their eyes and hunger in their bellies. (As a sidenote, some scientists believe that America’s high depression rates are directly related to the cultural importance of ambition.)
But what you should ask yourself is this: do you have to be miserable all the time to be an achiever?
I don’t think so. The initial push of unhappiness is more than enough to make you understand what you need to be happier. Being dissatisfied constantly will just make you depressed. That’s why it’s so important to find multiple sources of happiness.
Diversify Your Happiness Portfolio
When you have a goal, you can choose to focus on it 24/7. Some people eat, sleep and breathe their passion (think Olympic athletes). But for most people, there’s no reason to do that.
Becoming deeply invested in a single goal means fully depending on it for fulfillment and happiness. This is risky, because being attached to the outcome of your efforts can turn life into a rollercoaster ride.
If that Olympic athlete doesn’t get a medal (and most of them don’t), his mental well-being is fucked. Everything he’s worked towards – lived for – is now gone.
Does that sound productive in any way, shape or form? No; I doubt you want to put all your eggs in one basket like that.
Having ambition, goals and drive is great. Those things come naturally, and they’re especially expected of men. But diversifying your happiness portfolio is super-important.
Have a plan; have a vision. Just learn to discover the joy in the smaller things. Live a little; have fun; be happy.
If you’re a convicted careerist, find a hobby. If you’re working your ass of (like I am right now), take days off and do things you love. If you’re trying to get better with girls, remember to have nights in, play video games and eat pizza.
Diverting attention away from your main goals might seem like a waste of time. Not so: it’s a great opportunity to refresh your mind and build up your reserves of motivation. Do it.
Always Remember: You Could Die Tomorrow
“Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans” – John Lennon
My dad’s a 48 year–old workaholic who smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day. He’s also overweight and drinks alcohol most evenings. I worry about his health.
What really breaks my heart is, I don’t believe he enjoys life. We often talk about his plans to travel and do fun things – but he spends his days worrying about his business instead.
The question I always ask him – the question I’m asking you right now – is “WHEN?”
When will you start living your life? Tomorrow, the day after, next year, in 10 years? You could die tomorrow. I could die tomorrow.
If you had a few moments to look back on your life before you die, what would you want to remember: a happy, balanced life or years of unrelenting, miserable struggle?
Last Words
You don’t need to give up to live life; you don’t need to be depressed to be an achiever. Never confuse misery with ambition or obsession with focus.
The only thing you need to give up is the fucked up idea that happiness is conditional on your success. You can always find reasons to be joyful and happy – even if you don’t have “that one thing” you really want (no matter what it is).
Have a wonderful day.
