Every day, junk information is thrown at us from every direction: TV; newspapers; gossip from acquaintances; the internet (the master source of all useless trivia).

Some of this information is about women and attracts the attention of guys looking for helpful dating advice. The challenge is finding the signal over all the noise.

With so much fluff out there, where do you start? And more importantly, since so much of this advice is directly contradictory, who should you believe?

Dealing With Contradictory Dating Advice

I’m sure you’ve heard each of the following more than once:

A1. “You should smile and be friendly when talking with women, it’ll make them feel comfortable.”

A2. “You shouldn’t smile; James Bond doesn’t smile when he talks to women and he’s the smoothest guy ever.”

B1. “You should wear something that makes you stand out and be unique, you know, like a giant fuzzy top hat!”

B2. “You shouldn’t wear weird things that draw negative attention to yourself.”

C1. “Alpha males are dudes who SMASH STUFF and don’t take crap from no one, GRRR!”

C2. “Alpha males are leaders who keep everyone working together towards a greater vision and cause.”

A lot of the dating advice you find online is contradictory, useless or crazy – but there are also many gems of wisdom out there. That’s why the best tip of all is this: be skeptical and test the dating tips you read by applying them.

To be clear, skepticism is NOT the same as being a naysayer or a hater who sits back, watches others take action and judges. I’m talking about the healthy skepticism of a man who doesn’t believe everything he hears.

So test scientifically and consistently. No need to get out your lab coat and beakers; simply raise an eyebrow and race to test out any advice you read with a curious, “hmmm, I wonder if that works.”

As you cultivate this habit of experimenting, you’ll find that you’re propelled actually talking to girls – lots of them. The fact is, the most fundamental aspect of improving your dating life is manning up, going outside and meeting to lots of women. Socializing constantly is the foundation on which everything else is built – no man has dated more women than he’s met!

The Benefits Of Skepticism

Having a keen sense of skepticism guards you from useless tips, malicious attempts to salt your game and even well-intentioned but misguided advice. What works for you, works for you, but what works for another guy may have no effect on – or even harm! – your game.

Everything that makes each person unique plays a factor: upbringing, cultural background, family relationships, previous romantic experiences, core values, and even seemingly unrelated things like taste in movies or sense of humor.

So when we hear vague advice like “Just be confident, man,” we can slice that junk data out right away since there’s no way to test it and get consistent results with a large sample pool of women-talked-to. (Be wary of vague dating advice that doesn’t actually give you specific actions you can take and test.)

And no, we’re not talking about “I tried this and it didn’t work on that one girl.” To conclude what actually works or not, you need sample pools of dozens, nay, hundreds, even thousands of women talked to in as short a time as possible, keeping all variables as consistent as possible. Usually, this requires getting up and out onto the streets of downtown to start rolling out tests. Tests like:

Do I get more phone numbers wearing blue ties or red ties?

Do I get more phone numbers while smiling or keeping a deadpan expression?

Do I get more phone numbers by saying “Tell me your phone number,” or by asking “What’s your phone number?

Once that’s done you can look back over your data. Which ties tested better, red or blue? Smile, or deadpan? Command, or question? What you’re left with is what works… For you.

You might find that with a big enough sample pool, you can pinpoint the most important variables in your success with women while realizing that most of the dating advice out there has absolutely nothing to do finding, meeting, attracting and keeping high value women of exceptional beauty and accomplishment (my favorite type).

How The Good Got Good

Want to talk about really getting an edge over the competition? Jerry Rice, one of the best NFL players of all time, said: “Today I will do what others won’t so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.”

Few guys bring this level of skepticism and scientific testing to the field of dating advice and use it to meet tons of women on a daily basis… So when you get out and start talking to lots women, you’ll be in a league of your own pretty soon.

After a while, it becomes hilarious to see dating advice in a mainstream sources or any of the goofy stuff in Cosmopolitan. Recently, I read something like “According to science, women are more attracted to men who share their emotions,” then goes on to cite a study done by undergrads who interviewed 22 other college students about their feelings. Without even getting into the shoddy research methods, the microscopic sample pool of 22 people pretty much disqualified any of the data right off the bat.

But before drawing any hasty conclusions, it might be a good idea to take the information from that article and turn it into a testable variable. One week or month spent meeting women while blubbering out emotions, and another sticking to the straight and narrow by practicing self-control and patience. Test it out yourself (I already know what works for me and every other guy I know who is successful with women).

Only way to know for sure is to Man Up, get out there and test it out by meeting massive numbers of attractive women.

Be Amazing,

John Robie

If you want to read more about the massive research and testing that the John Robie and the guys over at DateMasters are doing, check out DateMasters. The have a ton of free advice and articles that are all based on their research efforts approaching over 10,000 women a year. Click here for more tested dating advice for men.

A few weeks ago, a reader said he’d love to find out more about being the man in a relationship. I think this is a great topic, because too many guys take on the woman’s role when dating.

Instead of being the strong half of a couple, they let their girlfriends make every big decision; pace the relationship; dictate all the rules.

When this happens, a man can’t fulfill his natural role as a man. And what woman feels happy with a weak boyfriend who lets her call all the shots? Such relationships usually end in break-ups, unhappiness or cheating

To be the man in your relationships – for yourself and your girlfriend – follow the tips in this post.

Having The Right Attitude

Being a man in your relationship means being strong. It’s a lot like dancing: no matter how great a woman is, it won’t work unless the man can lead.

Unfortunately, mass media’s constantly showing us images of women running relationships. Switch on your T.V., listen to the radio: it’s always guys struggling to keep a special girl or moaning once they’ve lost her.

Starting now, I want you to forget all that crap. You can’t be a good boyfriend if you’re insecure about losing your chick or afraid to lead. Remember: your girl needs you just as much as you need her. Here are some things to consider:

• Men age slower than women, which means there’s less pressure on you to settle down fast.
• Men get sexier with age and stay desirable for longer. With every year, you’re becoming more and more of a catch!
• You can always walk outside and get to know scores of new women anytime. Girls have a lot less control over the men they meet.

If you ever feel that your girlfriend’s more important than you, this list should put things in perspective. Don’t underestimate your own value: you can’t be a man in your relationship unless you respect yourself as much as you respect her!

Be Kind But Firm

Most women are fine with dating older men but hesitant about seeing a younger guy; some outright prefer older, more experienced guys.

This is because girls desire men who can protect and guide them; something that usually comes with age. However, you don’t have to date a younger woman to be the man in your relationship. You must simply be two things: kind and firm.

Let’s start with the latter. You have to be kind to the girl you’re dating. If you can’t be, why are you seeing her? Express your love freely and give generously; it’s your prerogative as a man.

The problem is, most guys are kind all the time. Why do you think women say, “I left him because he was too nice”? Too much of a good thing quickly turns into a bad thing; a relationship must have balance.

Your role, as a man, is to lead. This means you to set boundaries, make decisions and enforce both in a relationship. Here are some healthy ways to be firm with your girlfriend:

• Call her out on bad behavior. This means regular lateness, lying, negative behavior (i.e. insults), extreme drama, etc.
• Get into the habit of suggesting instead of asking. Women like assertive men – and if she doesn’t like what you’re saying, she’ll let you know.
• In bed, don’t be that guy: stop asking her if “it’s good” or if “this is okay.” Again, take charge – she’ll let you know if you’re going too far.
• Don’t change your friends, clothes and habits for her sake. If she doesn’t like you the way you are, why is she dating you?
• Never let her talk down on your friends and family. If she doesn’t respect them, how can she respect you?
• Refuse to move into the “next step” of the relationship (exclusivity, marriage, etc) until you’re ready – don’t let her pressure you.
• No nagging and no drama. If your girlfriend is giving you too much of either, calmly explain that her behavior is unacceptable.
• Use your own judgment to decide if you agree with her or not. Never say “yes” just because you don’t want her to get upset!
• If you don’t like something she said – e.g. “you look silly in that hat” or “your friend sure is weird” – simply ignore it. Works like a charm.

This is a general list; in real life, each man has his own personal boundaries. If you have trouble finding yours, remember the 3 aspects of healthy relationships: honesty, trust and respect.

Balance In All Things

Sometimes, when guys realize that girls like firm men, they become too assertive. In the early stages of a relationship, this works – a guy who can lead is very attractive to women.

In the long run, though, you have to pick your battles. Having boundaries is a necessity, but life isn’t black and white! Sometimes, you’ll have to compromise.

This is where you can really shine as a man. Being strong means letting your girlfriend act silly and unreasonable once in a while. Don’t react to every little thing she does wrong – just the really important stuff.

For everything else, simply don’t react. Women tend to feel what the man next to them feels; if you’re calm, she’ll quickly cool down too.

Being the man in a relationship comes down to being kind and firm. Being kind refers to generosity; strength; staying calm, even when she’s not. At the same time, you must be firm and put your foot down when necessary

If you liked this post, you can check out “Handling Relationships Like A Man: A Crash Course” which deals with the fundamentals of being a good boyfriend.

Is there anything else you think a man should or shouldn’t do in a relationship? Post in the comment section and let me know!

What’s the hardest part of approaching, attracting and seducing a woman?

“The first kiss” and “Getting her number” are common answers. But haven’t you ever seen a beautiful girl and thought: “I wish I knew what to say to her”?

Believe it or not, that’s how most guys feel every day: starting a conversation is the toughest part of meeting and seducing a woman.

To simplify things, men use pick-up lines that range from cheesy one-liners to sophisticated PUA routines. There’s just one small problem. Pick-up lines don’t work and never will. Even the fancy-schmancy PUA ones.

Here’s why.

Pick-Up Lines: The History

Resent research confirms you probably know already: men think logically, women think emotionally.

In fact, us guys are so logical we systematize everything – even attraction. Talk smooth, dress nice, explain how cool you are and get laid: this is how we intuitively approach seduction.

From this perspective, pick-up lines make sense. Memorizing and delivering a scripted phrase means you have less to worry about. You can talk smooth, display value and say something cool – all in one motion.

(Alternatively, you can use one of these and maybe elicit a few laughs.)

The first pick-up artists took things one step further and memorized entire conversations, routines and stories. Like pick-up lines, these were designed to get you liked and – eventually – laid.

Over time, increasingly complex pick-up lines – or openers – were developed. Some were based on psychology, others on humor – but openers of all kinds were a cornerstone of seduction theory for many years.

(Just to give you an idea of how important openers were to PUAs: I spent 2 months doing nothing but writing, practicing and refining mine in 2009.)

Then, something happened. After many years of routines and lines, pick-up artists started moving away from memorization. That’s when they realized why pick-up lines don’t work and never will.

Why Pick-Up Lines Don’t Work

If you’re a cool guy – and you probably are – you think you know what I’m about to say. “Pick-up lines don’t work because they’re corny.” ZING! You’re wrong; good openers can be clever and classy.

I’m not a moralist, either; I’m not here to say that getting laid using scripts and memorization is wrong. If pick-up lines could help you find love and sex, I’d encourage you to use them.

But there’s a good reason the seduction community has turned away from canned openers (pre-written pick-up lines): they suck!

Let’s say you come up with a great line and are ready to use it. Already, you’re facing a few tough questions:

• Is your line applicable in this venue/situation?
• What are the potential responses and how should you react to them?
• What are you going to do if you can’t use your line (for whichever reason)?
• What if something unexpected happens as you’re delivering your opener?

It doesn’t matter how good your pick-up line is – from the moment of its inception, it’s creating problems for you! Unless you plan for all of them, you’ll fail a lot – or, even worse, do nothing (from fear of failure).

But what if you could write the best openers, have a plan for every scenario and memorize all this junk? Would pick-up lines work then?

The answer is still “No.”

5 More Reasons Pick-Up Lines Don’t Work

Earlier, I wrote I once spent 2 months doing nothing but practicing openers. I could start a conversation effortlessly long before I started getting regular dates (or sex).

But as I used my “pick-up lines,” I kept running into the same problems. I later learned that many top-tier PUAs experienced them too. Here they are:

1. They get stale – unless you’re an acting enthusiast, you get sick of saying “I’m buying a present for my sister…” after the 100^th time.
2. They’re unnatural – even if you wrote the line, it doesn’t reflect what you feel/think/want as you’re walking up to a girl. If your mood doesn’t match the opener, you will come across as unnatural and weird.
3. Girls know – women are much better at “sensing” things than men. If a line is stale or unnatural to you, the girl will know. Being spontaneous and expressing yourself honestly is way easier.
4. You can get away with saying anything – Women don’t care about what you say – only how you make them feel. Once you understand this, pick-up lines become unnecessary.
5. Lines = excuses – An opener is just an excuse for you and a girl to start talking. And when your life is full of excuses, you’re not being a man – which is harmful to your development and unattractive to girls.

The bottom line is, I’ve spent god knows how much time studying openers and getting them to work. It’s OK to have one or two for emergencies, but trust me when I say that being spontaneous is always better - even if all you say is “Hey there.”

The real purpose of pick-up lines (or openers) – if you’re serious about studying attraction – is to give you the courage to walk up and say something. Other than that, remember: what you’re saying doesn’t matter to women. What matters is how you feel and how you make them feel.

So forget the pick-up lines; if you want to talk to a girl, start with a simple “hey.”

I usually write about meeting women, going on dates and getting those dates to end in bed. And sometimes, that’s enough – but what happens when you want to turn sex into a relationship?

I have a friend who can’t keep a girl for longer than 2-3 months despite “scoring” regularly. He can’t understand why women lose interest in him so quickly.

Most guys have the same problem.

If they get a girl, they quickly scare her away with their unattractive habits. I break these repulsive behaviors – or turn-offs – into two broad categories: physical and behavioral.

The first few months together give a girl enough time to “really know you.” If you can’t keep these turn-offs under control during this time, you’ll lose your chick.

Read this post, discover the 20 turn-offs that scare women away and start turning sex into relationships!

Physical Turn-Offs: Bad Habits

Women aren’t looking for the strongest, most handsome guy in the room. They just want a man with class, confidence and good etiquette.

That’s why these “physical turnoffs” aren’t about your belly; chicken arms; inability to bench press 180kg. These are basic mistakes you can stop making now to make women attracted to you in the long run.

1.    The open-mouth yawn

Do you think she wants to look at your tonsils every time you’re tired? No – besides, this is basic etiquette!

2. Burping loudly in public

Okay in some Asian countries; not okay in Western culture.

3. Spitting

Regardless of how bad you think you want to, try to hold it in when your girl’s around.

4. Clearing your throat of phlegm

You can wash mucus down by drinking some water. If you really have to clear your throat, use the bathroom.

5. Picking your nose

Seems obvious, but it’s easy to forget yourself after 1-2 months of dating someone. Don’t do this around girls.

6. Displaying nervous ticks

Nervous ticks range from nail-biting to blinking profusely. It’s hard to control these habits, but do your best – they’re not very attractive.

7. Bad Table Manners

Eat with your mouth closed; hold fork and knife properly; don’t talk while chewing. No girl wants your half-chewed puree in her hair.

8. Blowing your nose

Many guys feel this is normal, but girls get grossed out about it.

9. Scratching your private bits

They’re called private for a reason. Most women feel uncomfortable when a man scratches his testicles or butt in public.

Physical Turn-Offs: Your Appearance

10. Eye crust

Avoided by washing your face in the morning.

11. Bad breath

Over 85% of people suffer from halitosis (bad breath) at some point in their lives. Floss, brush your tongue and use mouthwash.

12. Sweaty Pits

These are gross but some guys just can’t avoid them. If you sweat profusely despite using deodorant, try wearing light color clothes (or plain black). Sweat stains are less visible on them.

13. Clothes issues

These can be stains or wrinkles on clothing, holes in your underwear/undershirt, smelly socks, etc. Sort them out.

14. Dirty, long fingernails

Women look at hands all the time and they hate a guy whose hands look like he’s been gardening all day. Unless you play classical guitar, keep your nails trimmed.

Behavioral Turn-Offs

15. Constantly talking about yourself

She does want to know you but she also wants you to know her. Be interested in her and don’t go overboard with the talking.

16. Not listening to her

During these first months do your best to listen; it may seem hard but it has to be done. Women love a guy who knows when to listen.

17. Being too vague

Constantly talking about yourself is no good but remember: she wants to know you. Let her in on the interesting stuff if not your entire life story.

18. Checking out other girls openly

You’re out with her because you’re interested in her. If you keep looking at other women she’ll just think you find her unattractive – and why would she stay with a man like that?

19. Complaining all the time

If you hate your life, why would she want to be part of it?

20. Not introducing her to people you know

She wants to be part of “your world.” With you, she can meet people and do stuff she wouldn’t have done with anyone else. Don’t keep that away from her.

21. Laughing like a hyena

She might have great sense of humor but laughing so hard that everyone in the restaurant looks at you is just embarrassing.

22. Insulting women and exes

This only shows how you’ll talk about her if you break up – and that you’re living in the past. No matter how much pain and suffering your ex put you through, keep those stories for your friends.

 23. Having a one-track mind

A man should always stand by his beliefs but he must also be opened to new possibilities. Acknowledge her point of view as valid, even when you disagree.

In Closing

As exhaustive as this list may seem, you’ve probably heard your female friends complain about some of this stuff. This list helps women decide whether a guy is boyfriend material or a one-time thing.

Always remember: it’s not just the first few dates that require your constant attention, it’s the first few months.

Most guys keep a lid on these habits for a few dates, but relax once they have the girl – which is what will drive her away.

You wouldn’t feel attracted to a girl if she started burping, scratching her crotch and checking out other guys 24/7… So don’t make the same mistakes!

You can also use it for yourself. If a girl’s doing too many of these things, it might be best to stay away.

Eventually things settle down and you can relax more. Once she’s had the chance to know and like you for your true self, she’ll tolerate some of your bad “qualities” – but before that happens, use this list to stay on her good side!

Alex is a dating expert with a Master’s degree in social psychology. This is the sort of stuff he writes about on his blog and шт the free eBook he gives out.

If you want to increase your success with women, visit his site: The Player Guide, a place where the most direct and effective methods of meeting and seducing women are revealed. 

When it comes to girls, looks are everything. Society teaches us that truly beautiful women are rare and valuable. Since most guys don’t think of themselves as equally valuable, gorgeous girls intimidate them.

Crazy, right?

A few days ago, I met a girl. She’s taller than me; absolutely gorgeous; dances professionally and has the body for it. But I just got off the phone with her, and guess what?

Our conversation was kinda boring; I doubt we’ll meet again.

The truth is, attractive girls like her really aren’t that special. I’d take a fun girl with average looks over a boring model any day of the week – and so should you.

Still intimidated by beautiful women? Read this and see why you shouldn’t be.

Why Beautiful Women Intimidate Men

You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know that society objectifies women for their looks. We can talk about equal rights all day long, but the truth is simple: a woman’s physical appearance is her social currency; the source of her value.

A really hot girl has a lot of value, much like a rich and powerful man. Guys want to sleep with her; both sexes want to be around her. By leveraging this interest, a beautiful 18-30 year old woman can get just about anything.

I’ve seen guys buy lunches, rings, necklaces, 3,000$ bags, cars and apartments for girls – just because they looked pretty.

On some level, you understand this. So when you see a hot girl, it’s easy to think: “damn, she can have anything and anyone she wants. I don’t have anything to offer to someone like that; my value is lower.”

This, in a nutshell, is why hot girls can be so scary.

Why You Shouldn’t Care

As a kid, I’d often give in to peer pressure and do dumb things. My mom would always say: “If everyone else jumped off a bridge tomorrow, would you do that too?”

That’s how I feel about guys being intimidated by beautiful women. These girls are only scary because society values them highly. Everyone treats them well, so you become convinced that they are, in fact, different and special.

But they’re not.

How deeply valuable is a girl’s beauty, really? It won’t cook and clean; it can’t hold a conversation; it doesn’t make her a good person. If you were on a deserted island together, far from human civilization, a woman’s beauty would be useless.

On top of that, it’s easy for hot chick to be spoilt. People inherently like her a lot, so she doesn’t need to develop a great personality or life skills. She might have high social value, but very low personal value - i.e. considered valuable by society at large but with little to offer you.

Doesn’t sound scary or even desirable anymore, right? So don’t buy into the hype and don’t be a lemming; refuse to put beauty on a pedestal just because everyone else does.

What You Have To Offer A Beautiful Woman

Like I said at the beginning, lots of guys freeze up when they see a girl they really like. They think: “Look at her. She’s so gorgeous. What do I have to offer her? Why would she ever go for a guy like me?”

Actually, you have a lot to offer.

Many of the girls I meet aren’t just pretty – they’re better dressed than me. A lot of the time, their purses cost more than my whole outfit (5$ t-shirts for the win!). And yet they still find me attractive. Why?

Because I’m interesting, confident and unintimidated by beauty. I’m a man. That’s my value – and it can be your value, too.

At the end of the day, what you own and how you look is irrelevant – just like a girl’s looks are ultimately irrelevant. What really matters is how you can make each other feel.

So keep reading this blog: build your masculine energy, work on your social skills and treat every woman as an equal, not a pretty face. Then you’ll always have a lot to offer.

In Closing

When guys are scared of pretty girls, everyone loses. Women lose because they’re objectified for their looks and treated unfairly; men lose the opportunity to be around some really amazing chicks.

Don’t be a sucker; be a man and judge people for their actions, not their looks. This doesn’t just apply to women – this applies to everyone. In the end, the only thing that matters is how we can make each other feel.

As a teen, I really wanted a girlfriend. Figuring out women out was the first logical step. I looked to Hollywood films, men’s mags and the people around me for information on what women want.

Most of what I learned was bullshit. Most people – and society at large – have a warped idea of what girls like. Believing in that idea kept me single and celibate for years – and it might be doing the same for you.

Have you ever wondered why a girl you like is dating that asshole? Have you tried being romantic only to get rejection after rejection? Have you ever been dumped for a bogus reason despite being a model boyfriend?

If so, you probably believe in some – or all – of these 5 dumb things men think women want. Read this post and get familiar with the cold, hard truth!

Ridiculous Thing #1 – Ripped Abs, Bulging Biceps and Muscular Chests

Most guys work out to look good for the ladies. They try to get ripped abs, thick chests and big arms. I know men who literally train nothing else because “legs, shoulders and back don’t matter to women… right?“

Wrong.

It’s true that women like fit guys; studies show that muscular dudes are twice as sexy as non-muscular ones. But David Givens (Ph.D) found that women like a nice V-shape and firm glutes first and foremost.

To be more specific, girls are turned on by the following:

1. Broad Shoulders.
2. Strong Back.
3. Flat (not ripped) stomach.
4. Nice ass.

That’s why your bench press, bicep-curl and ab crunch routine sucks. Tiny legs and a huge upper body aren’t just assymetrical – they’re unattractive. Next time you hit the gym, do some pull-ups and squats, dude!

Ridiculous Thing #2 – Sweet, Friendly Guys

I blame Hollywood for this one. Can you remember the last time the bad guy got the girl in a movie? I know I can’t. The sweet, caring guy always gets the girl – and somehow you’ve come to believe that being nice will get you laid, too!

Unfortunately, a recent study shows that brooding men are more attractive than cheerful ones. And guess what else? Chicks dig men who’s feelings are unclear. Here’s why.

Being unconditionally friendly and smiling all the time projects that you want to be liked. This indicates you feel the girl has more value than you. And since women are interested in successful, high-value men, that’s really unattractive.

Displaying a full range of emotions – positive and negative – is much sexier. Women like guys who treat them fairly, rewarding good behavior and punishing bad behavior. Remember that the next time you feel like being sweet.

Ridiculous Thing #3 – Good Women Don’t Love Sex

We idolize virgins and look down on girls who are open about enjoying a good fuck. The idea is, a good woman doesn’t love sex. We fall for the ones who make us wait; the ones who don’t put out until we’ve “proven” ourselves to them.

It’s because society programs us to put feminine innocence on a pedestal. The rom-com hero never goes for a sexually experienced chick: he goes for the “one special girl” who won’t have him. Girls who have sex on the first date aren’t “relationship material.”

Why?

Girls want sex, love and romance just as much as we do. Expecting girls to be “pure” is a weird form of objectification – and a surefire way to never get laid. If you want to find a cool chick, check for the girl that does it on the first date.

Ridiculous Thing #4 – Women Know What They Want

Guys get real sensitive when they’re trying to seduce a girl. We’re afraid of upsetting women, being thought of as weird and losing your shot to have glorious, steamy sex. So we carefully listen to what girls say they want and give it to them.

Only problem is, women don’t know what they want. They don’t understand attraction – generally speaking, they’re blissfully unaware of why they like some men and not others. Why else would they claim to like sweet guys but sleep with assholes?

Personally, I hate discussing attraction with women because they always say the same thing: that would never work on me. Even the girls I date don’t believe me when I explain the psychology behind why they like me!

You don’t fully understand why certain women attract you, so why expect anything different from the opposite sex? Do your thing, be yourself and don’t count on women to know what they want.

Ridiculous Thing #5 – Feminine Men Are Sexy To Women

This isn’t about social equality – this is about sexual equality.

The androgynous man is everywhere, from billboards to Hollywood movies. Waxed chests, skinny jeans and girly guys are in. And you’d think that girls find feminine men attractive.

Nothing could be further from the truth. Women are attracted to dominant, strong, confident men who can make them feel protected. As this Psychology Today article puts it, gender equality inhibits arousal.

Don’t be afraid to embrace your masculinity. Be a man, man – it’s what ladies dig!

At the end of the day, it’s all about being real. No matter what society tries to tell you, don’t be afraid to express your sexuality; your masculinity; the innate confidence and assertiveness we all have as men.

Oh, and stop doing the bench presses and curls 3 times a week. Real men do squats.

I love standing behind the bar. It gives me a completely different perspective on the place that I used to call home. I started going to the bar and approaching people as soon as I turned 18. I wanted more options for myself and I wanted to improve my social skills – the nightclub seemed like the perfect place to practice.

I was a regular. I went 4 nights a week for 5 hours each night and all I did was approach people. I’ve always had a an addictive personality.  I don’t just like something; I become obsessed with it. Approaching people was no different. I was addicted to approaching people for 2 years. I met so many people in the nightlife that the nightclubs I went to had no choice but to hire me as a bartender. I knew the network that went to their venue!

I’ve been a bartender for just over a year now. I’ve seen  both sides of the bar, the side that I approached people from and the side that people approached me. I learned more from behind the bar because that’s where I have the most value.

George asked me to write a blog on Night venues for his blog and I was stoked. The nightlife is something I have come to have a good understanding of. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned in the last couple of years; I want to share with you in this article today.

Why People Go To Clubs, Bars and Other Night Venues

I’ve come to believe that people come to the nightclub for one of two reasons; often times both. People come to meet people, and people come to have fun. For that reason the nightlife is the best place to go to meet the most amount of people and have the most amount of  SHORT TERM fun.

The girls that go out to the nightclub spend an hour showering, straightening their hair, applying their makeup and picking their favorite outfit fully knowing that guys are going to be approaching them. They may as well look good, if that’s the case! I’ve never seen a girl come to the bar in sweatpants and her hair up. It doesn’t happen. When girls leave their house with their girlfriends they know that they’re going to be approached.

Any guy can get a few drinks in him to get the liquid courage to walk up to a girl. Even if you’re COMPLETELY SOBER, (like I was for most nights I went out) it’s not good enough. How does this girl know that you’re sober? Your social skills have to be on point, your sub communications have to be tight . I’ve found tonality to be one of the most important things when it comes to the nightlife because your tonality always shows your emotion. Show an emotion that attracts the girl and you’re speaking directly to her subconscious.

Guys jump in the shower, put on their favorite tight T Shirt, apply whichever cologne makes them smell like a lumberjack and head out to the bar knowing they want to meet girls. A lot of guys go out with the INTENTION of meeting girls but when it comes down to their ability to act they back away. As a bartender I’ve seen that most guys just feel like they’re not able to get into the rhythm of the night unless they’re drunk.

What Going To Night Venues Can Really Offer You

The nightlife is the best place to go to increase the AMOUNT of options that you have. I can personally say from experience that the nightlife is not the best place to go when it comes to the QUALITY of your options. The nightlife is a great place for you to go if you have anxiety issues when thinking about approaching, or if you’re not looking for anything serious.

This is my recommendation for you as the party – goer. Look at your social skills right now. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you believe that you could maintain a long – term relationship with a girl that you see as extremely quality?

Yes? The nightlife isn’t the place for you. This isn’t the case with most guys at the start of their social journey though.

It’s more likely that you are where I was at a year ago. I wanted to go out and and meet more girls to get that practice in. Going out at night is a great place to start but don’t make the same mistake I did. ALL I DID WAS APPROACH GIRLS. Because of that it took me a long time for my ability to make guys into friends to develop. Improving  your social skills is essential so when that girl, that business client, that social circle that you like comes along you know how communicate.

The biggest thing that the nightlife has to offer is the luxury of facing your fears. That’s right – it’s a luxury. Every time that you approach while you’re sober you allow yourself to overcome one limiting belief. Facing fears in one area of your life helps you in EVERY area of life.

I’m telling you that I’ve seen many, many people come to my bar and grab a shot before going and talking to a girl of their choice. Don’t be one of those guys. The short – term benefits that you get from your shot won’t strengthen any long term relationship that you have so do yourself a favor – head to the local bar and face some fears this Friday night. Learn from your mistakes and move forward smarter and stronger into the next conversation.

Interested in learning more about the nightlife? Email George and ask him some questions; or email me at brian@kingpinlifestyle.com and I’ll give you the answers you’re looking for : )

George’s note

Brian is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. He writes for Kingpin Lifestyle – an amazing resource for anyone interested in social dynamics and self-improvement. He’s also just a really cool dude – you can read more about him here.

The day my ex and I broke up, I didn’t feel much.

A month later, I was doing my morning stretches. Suddenly, my body went limp and I felt something warm and wet rolling down my face: tears. For the next 30 minutes I lay motionless, crying silently.

It wasn’t the manliest moment of my life, but it made me remember an important fact:

Breaking up hurts and there’s nothing you can do about it.

If you’ve ever split up with someone important, you understand. Wondering if you’ll love again; missing the magic times you had together; feeling alone and lost – we’ve all been there. To deny that would be silly.

But as I worked through my first real break-up, I realized something important. Feeling sad when you lose someone is a part of life. Heartbreak – that intense, burning, painful feeling – is a choice, especially when it lingers.

Here’s how not to make that choice.

When Love Is A Drug

Loving and being loved back means many wonderful things.

Someone’s always there to listen to you; regular sex that gets hotter as you get to know your partner; unconditional support, trust and understanding. Even cleaning your place becomes fun when you’re doing it together.

That’s why it’s easy to get hooked.

Women stay with husbands who beat them for decades. Guys spend all their time with girlfriends neglecting other areas of life. I saw a guy drive across half of England to try and win his cheating girlfriend back.

That’s what happens when you get addicted to the advantages – real or imaginary – of being with someone. Relationships stop being about enjoyment and start being about needing another person.

The first step to overcoming heartbreak is differentiating genuine sadness and addiction (or a need).

What You’re Really Missing When You’re Heartbroken

Lama Yeshe has a great metaphor that I’ll use to explain the difference between heartbreak and the natural pain of losing someone.

Let’s say you love chocolate. It makes you feel happy and so you start eating it every day. One day, you run out – or maybe you decide to give it up because you’re becoming overweight.

Suddenly you’re miserable. Your source of happiness is gone. How can you live without chocolate – the only thing that made you feel good?!

In reality, you’re not miserable because there’s no chocolate. You’re miserable because you convinced yourself you need chocolate.

Heartbreak isn’t too different. It’s not just the hurt of loving and losing someone. It’s a painful and irrational cycle of regret, longing, and doubt.

Instead of remembering the great times you had and accepting your new situation, you cling to old times; convenient habits; hopes and dreams you made with your ex.

It’s not pain that creates heartbreak; it’s the inability to accept life without the person you once had.

But relying on someone else for happiness is just as absurd as relying on chocolate. Your fate is in your hands: you don’t need anything, or anyone, to make you feel good.

That’s the key to understanding and overcoming heartbreak.

Getting Better After Heartbreak

The more you focus on everything you’re missing, the worse your pain becomes. Breaking up can feel like losing a big part of yourself, but thinking about “the good old days” only makes things worse.

Two old sayings offer sage advice when it comes to getting over someone you lost:

1. Time heals all wounds.
2. One day at a time.

You might feel like smacking me with a fish for not giving you more complicated instructions, but that’s pretty much it.

Don’t obsess over the past. Don’t worry about everything that could have been or might be in the future. Most break-ups happen for a good reason – and if you’re meant to get back together, you will.

When you lose someone, focus on getting through life one day at a time. Fill your life with new activities – read a book, watch a movie, meet new people.

Most importantly, be gentle with yourself. Don’t expect yourself to feel fantastic immediately. Losing someone you loved always hurts; give yourself time to grieve without getting stuck in negative patterns.

Heartbreak is a choice you make by resisting reality and letting your attachments get the better of you.

I say – refuse to live in the past. Refuse to let yourself think you can’t be happy without another person. Refuse to worry over every little thing you might’ve done differently.

The pain of losing someone is something we all experience sooner or later. Heartbreak is a choice that I hope you won’t make after reading this post.

Imagine a beautiful girl just walked past you. She’s cute; she’s holding your favorite book; she’s glowing with sexiness. Before long, you’re picturing what she’d look like bent over your kitchen table.

…But then you let her walk by without doing anything. What else can you do? You don’t know how to start a conversation with her!

If you’re like most men, this happens to you every day. You want to meet more amazing women, sure, but you have no idea what to say (or do).

I say, enough is enough. Stop letting the girls of your dreams walk past you. Read this post and start amazing conversations* with women anywhere, anytime.

* – (that often lead to hot, crazy, consensual sex).

First Impressions: The Little Smile

Before you start a conversation, you need to make a good visual impression. Serious faces are unattractive and threatening. So when you’re out in public, wear a little smile – it’ll make you attractive to women as soon as they see you.

The best smiles are light and casual. I’ve found that turning the corners of your lips up a little bit works best. If you look at my photo in the About section, you’ll see what I mean.

What you don’t want to have is a huge grin when socializing or approaching a woman. That’s just weird – and some girls will think you’re laughing at them.

The little smile is cool and attractive. It’s friendly, but not too friendly for a stranger. Having one means big grins come naturally when the time is right.

If you want to see how powerful little smiles are, go about your day with one. Make eye contact with people; then wink or wave. You’ll get lots of attention from girls – and some will even come over and start talking to you.

(Seriously, try this – your mind will be blown).

Opening, Part 1: Openers Don’t Matter

Once upon a time, I spent hours crafting elaborate openers: pick-up lines designed to start conversations. “Hey, my friend lost a bet and we’re dressing him up as a woman. Which of these shoes looks extra-uncomfortable to you?”

I was pretty funny, but I also got lots of rejections and fake numbers. I was so invested into the first thing I said that the rest of the interaction always suffered. I was also dishonest and girls could feel it from a mile away.

I now understand that the first thing you say to a girl doesn’t matter. In fact, you can say anything you want to start a conversation – a simple Hello is enough.

Here are some ways to start conversations:

• Ask for directions (good for building up confidence).
• Make a situational statement – “I love your tie,” “it sure is cold for March,” “How much would we get for that painting if we stole it, do you think?”
• Open with a compliment – “Wow, you have beautiful eyes.”
• Say “Hello” and see what happens (my favorite).

The main thing to remember is, openers don’t matter. You can literally start a conversation by saying “I like soup” and get away with it.

Opening Part 2: Why Are You Talking To Her?

As soon as you’re talking to a girl, she’s wondering: “Why?”. If you don’t provide a reason, she’ll think you’re a weirdo who wants something from her.

You can be direct and explain yourself immediately. “You have beautiful eyes; I had to come over and talk to you.” You don’t have to be super smooth – just let her know why you walked up to her.

You can also be indirect, open with any neutral question and follow up with an explanation.

“Do you know where the nearest bar is?”

“Yeah, it’s right over there. O’Donovan’s, it’s called.”

“Thanks. Um… You have really beautiful eyes.”

Again, you don’t have to be perfect: nobody is. But you do have to let the girl know why you approached her. Don’t be afraid to be open: if you thought she’s absolutely beautiful, tell her you thought she’s absolutely beautiful.

Your reasons don’t always have to be personal compliments, though. “I love your scarf” also works: really, it doesn’t matter. Just pick a reason and introduce it into the conversation as soon as possible.

Transitioning Into Real Conversation

Many guys feel they need to impress girls. They brag, display high value through storytelling and obsess about everything they say.

But really, the main thing in moving from “Hello” to a real conversation is winning a woman’s trust. The best way to do that is by sharing yourself openly (Nick Notas has a great post about this).

It doesn’t matter what you say as long as you’re sharing and talking. Here are some of the silly things I’ve said with positive results:

• I’m kinda nervous right now! I’m not sure what I should be saying!
• Oh! I come from a family of doctors but I’m a total wimp – really scared of blood.
• I am about to rob you! All the people here are hired actors; they’ll never tell.
• Would it be disrespectful to say you have a really nice ass?
• As a kid, I was a huge nerd. Actually, I’m still a huge nerd. Did I mention I own Pikachu slippers?

None of those things are attractive – what’s attractive is my honesty and ability to share. To transition from Opening to Real Conversation, just be genuine – and keep talking. Girls love that and will reciprocate.

To Sum It All Up

1. Get used to smiling. It’s crazy attractive.
2. Get comfortable with just saying “Hello.” Not having a whole plan in your mind can be weird at first but it works. If you run out of things to say, be honest! I usually say: “I’m so nervous I can’t think of anything cool to say! Does that ever happen to you?”
3. The more time you spend planning openers, the less open you are to a girl’s unpredictable responses. If you’re feeling shy, start with a neutral question: just remember to explain why you’re talking to her ASAP.
4. Talk, talk, talk. Remember to have fun and never take yourself too seriously.

Now go out there and start amazing conversations with women anywhere, anytime!

Not only are men are more likely to suffer after break-ups – women leave us more often than we leave them. (And initiate 70% of all divorces).

You don’t want that to be your story. Trust me – when a good girl walks out on you, it hurts bad.

But if you’re an average guy, you might not understand why chicks leave guys and what you can do to keep your girl around.

In this post, I’ll explain how you can:

• Get your girlfriend’s eyes to light up every time she sees you.
• Make sure she won’t find anyone better than you when she goes out.
• Hold on to the girl you care about on your terms.
• Get more of the things you like – steaks, massages, sexual favors – in your relationship.

Let’s start by understanding the why’s of women leaving men.

Reason #1 – She’s Less Inclined to Seek Approval Than You Are

Women get boatloads of approval everyday. They support each other; they’re physical with each other (hugs and kisses); they give each other compliments freely.

Not only that – strangers are nice to girls, especially attractive ones. From the guys hitting on her (every day) to the clerk at the mall, everyone’s giving your girlfriend compliments and attention.

You, on the other hand, get none of that good stuff.

That’s why your girl’s a lot less scared of breaking up than you are. She can get approval whenever she wants it. You, on the other hand, will struggle get any if you lose her.

Reason #2 – She Has More Options Than You

Remember how I said guys are hitting on your girl every day? Yeah.

Men aren’t all that picky. Your girlfriend has 5 guys who’d love to take her out right now in her phonebook. New dudes are hitting on her all the time, too. (I’ve been one of those “new dudes” many times).

Your girlfriend always has the option to find someone else without making any effort. Always keep that in mind.

Reason #3 – You’re Not Making Her Feel Like You Used To

Women often complain their boyfriends get lazier and lazier over time.

This makes sense as far as evolutionary psychology goes. When you start having sex with a girl, you subconsciously impregnate her. After successfully passing on your genes, you feel less inclined to make an effort.

That may have worked for our ancestors but it doesn’t work for us. My PUA mentors told me a woman needs to be seduced every day, not just once. He was right – if you’re not making her feel like you used to, you’ll get dumped. Always remember to do all the things that attracted her in the first place.

Reason #4 – She’s Tired of You Supplicating to Her

Because of Reasons #1 & #2, many men (correctly) feel their girlfriends can easily leave them. To prevent that, they start giving women everything they ask for.

I know a guy who lets his girlfriend terrorize him with jealousy. She freaks out if he so much as speaks to another girl. He understands this is crazy but does nothing out of fear of losing his woman.

This is a huge mistake. Girls love and respect strong, confident men. They hate pushovers who’ll do anything for them.

You do need to make an effort (see Reason #3) every day but being a wimp isn’t the answer. Always put your core values first – even if it feels like you might lose your girlfriend.

Reason #5 – You Don’t Know What You Want From Her

Here’s a little secret about women. Eventually, they want “something more”.

This could be a committed relationship, a ring (there’s even a theme song) or something else. You need to know if you want the same things – otherwise you’ll lose your chick or make some bad, bad decisions.

If you’re serious about your girlfriend, let her know; don’t flip-flop. I’m not saying you have to marry her, but give her some certainty about your future together.

If you don’t see a happy outcome for the two of you, be honest with her (and yourself). You’ll break up eventually – but there’ll be a lot less drama and pain.

Getting Your Girl to Stick Around – and Love You More

Understanding the reasons girls leave their guys so often is important.

But what you really want is to make your girlfriend’s heart sing every time she thinks of you. Being in a relationship with someone who’s deeply grateful to have you is an incredible feeling. Here’s how you can make that happen:

• Be romantic. This is important – women notice thoughtful gestures, especially in long-term relationships. Don’t take her for granted.
• Make an effort to look good. No relationship gut, no bummy clothes, etc.
• Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means disagreeing. As long as you’re not doing it for your ego, she’ll respect you for it.
• In light of the previous point, pick your battles. Learn to compromise and don’t fight over petty things.
• Hone your social skills. She has options – make sure you have some, too.
• When you’re together, make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world; give her your undivided attention.
• Build social circles. Being reliant on her for all your approval and positive emotions is a disaster waiting to happen.
• Know what you want and communicate it clearly. If you’re cool with committing, don’t be bashful about it.
• Be honest. Everyone screws up, but lying in order to be liked will make you revolting to most women.

And that’s that – a guide to why girls dump guys and how you can keep your girlfriend around!

If you enjoyed this post or have something to say about break-ups, write your message below. I always reply; we could have a fun conversation and learn something new .

George P.H.