I love standing behind the bar. It gives me a completely different perspective on the place that I used to call home. I started going to the bar and approaching people as soon as I turned 18. I wanted more options for myself and I wanted to improve my social skills – the nightclub seemed like the perfect place to practice.
I was a regular. I went 4 nights a week for 5 hours each night and all I did was approach people. I’ve always had a an addictive personality. I don’t just like something; I become obsessed with it. Approaching people was no different. I was addicted to approaching people for 2 years. I met so many people in the nightlife that the nightclubs I went to had no choice but to hire me as a bartender. I knew the network that went to their venue!
I’ve been a bartender for just over a year now. I’ve seen both sides of the bar, the side that I approached people from and the side that people approached me. I learned more from behind the bar because that’s where I have the most value.
George asked me to write a blog on Night venues for his blog and I was stoked. The nightlife is something I have come to have a good understanding of. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned in the last couple of years; I want to share with you in this article today.
Why People Go To Clubs, Bars and Other Night Venues
I’ve come to believe that people come to the nightclub for one of two reasons; often times both. People come to meet people, and people come to have fun. For that reason the nightlife is the best place to go to meet the most amount of people and have the most amount of SHORT TERM fun.
The girls that go out to the nightclub spend an hour showering, straightening their hair, applying their makeup and picking their favorite outfit fully knowing that guys are going to be approaching them. They may as well look good, if that’s the case! I’ve never seen a girl come to the bar in sweatpants and her hair up. It doesn’t happen. When girls leave their house with their girlfriends they know that they’re going to be approached.
Any guy can get a few drinks in him to get the liquid courage to walk up to a girl. Even if you’re COMPLETELY SOBER, (like I was for most nights I went out) it’s not good enough. How does this girl know that you’re sober? Your social skills have to be on point, your sub communications have to be tight . I’ve found tonality to be one of the most important things when it comes to the nightlife because your tonality always shows your emotion. Show an emotion that attracts the girl and you’re speaking directly to her subconscious.
Guys jump in the shower, put on their favorite tight T Shirt, apply whichever cologne makes them smell like a lumberjack and head out to the bar knowing they want to meet girls. A lot of guys go out with the INTENTION of meeting girls but when it comes down to their ability to act they back away. As a bartender I’ve seen that most guys just feel like they’re not able to get into the rhythm of the night unless they’re drunk.
What Going To Night Venues Can Really Offer You
The nightlife is the best place to go to increase the AMOUNT of options that you have. I can personally say from experience that the nightlife is not the best place to go when it comes to the QUALITY of your options. The nightlife is a great place for you to go if you have anxiety issues when thinking about approaching, or if you’re not looking for anything serious.
This is my recommendation for you as the party – goer. Look at your social skills right now. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you believe that you could maintain a long – term relationship with a girl that you see as extremely quality?
Yes? The nightlife isn’t the place for you. This isn’t the case with most guys at the start of their social journey though.
It’s more likely that you are where I was at a year ago. I wanted to go out and and meet more girls to get that practice in. Going out at night is a great place to start but don’t make the same mistake I did. ALL I DID WAS APPROACH GIRLS. Because of that it took me a long time for my ability to make guys into friends to develop. Improving your social skills is essential so when that girl, that business client, that social circle that you like comes along you know how communicate.
The biggest thing that the nightlife has to offer is the luxury of facing your fears. That’s right – it’s a luxury. Every time that you approach while you’re sober you allow yourself to overcome one limiting belief. Facing fears in one area of your life helps you in EVERY area of life.
I’m telling you that I’ve seen many, many people come to my bar and grab a shot before going and talking to a girl of their choice. Don’t be one of those guys. The short – term benefits that you get from your shot won’t strengthen any long term relationship that you have so do yourself a favor – head to the local bar and face some fears this Friday night. Learn from your mistakes and move forward smarter and stronger into the next conversation.
Interested in learning more about the nightlife? Email George and ask him some questions; or email me at and I’ll give you the answers you’re looking for : )
George’s note
Brian is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. He writes for Kingpin Lifestyle – an amazing resource for anyone interested in social dynamics and self-improvement. He’s also just a really cool dude – you can read more about him here.
{ 4 comments… read them below or add one }
Well I don’t totally agree with that part that you say you can’t find quality girls. I consider myself a quality guy and I like going out at night so I pretty much think that the opposite happens but it all depends on the venue where you go. I also don’t feel like you need to be the kind of guy that approaches every single girl that he says but instead the one with good social skills that only approaches that girls that you are attracted and she is also.
I saw many of my friends approaching nearly every girl on the nightclub and banging their head over and over again. The problem is that they didn’t understand which were the ones that were interested in meeting them.
Anyway I enjoyed reading the post. Thanks.
An additional point to consider why girls head out at night: attention. Looking at women’s night life actions in terms of attention explains a lot, including why they doll themselves up and why their behavior is quite different from how they’d act in the ‘real world.’ Thanks for sharing your insights from the other side of the bar.
JR
Well first hand, all the things you said is great. I totally encourage guys to approach girls and face their fears. And remember rejection is only a power-boast in making yourself more confident.. My issue use to be I was always an excessive drinker by the time I get to talk to a girl I was already intoxicated and was hard for me to be coherent and keep up a conversation with somebody. At this point it’s all body language, women love when you take charge at them, They enjoy the chase if you will” but theirs definitely no right or wrong approach If you could keep your enthusiastic persona in-tacked your most likely to succeed in any situation.
Thank you for commenting, Rafael. I agree that what you say isn’t very important; it’s all about how you deliver it and how you carry yourself. At the end of the day, what matters is trying and learning, no matter whether you fail or succeed
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