Every day, junk information is thrown at us from every direction: TV; newspapers; gossip from acquaintances; the internet (the master source of all useless trivia).

Some of this information is about women and attracts the attention of guys looking for helpful dating advice. The challenge is finding the signal over all the noise.

With so much fluff out there, where do you start? And more importantly, since so much of this advice is directly contradictory, who should you believe?

Dealing With Contradictory Dating Advice

I’m sure you’ve heard each of the following more than once:

A1. “You should smile and be friendly when talking with women, it’ll make them feel comfortable.”

A2. “You shouldn’t smile; James Bond doesn’t smile when he talks to women and he’s the smoothest guy ever.”

B1. “You should wear something that makes you stand out and be unique, you know, like a giant fuzzy top hat!”

B2. “You shouldn’t wear weird things that draw negative attention to yourself.”

C1. “Alpha males are dudes who SMASH STUFF and don’t take crap from no one, GRRR!”

C2. “Alpha males are leaders who keep everyone working together towards a greater vision and cause.”

A lot of the dating advice you find online is contradictory, useless or crazy – but there are also many gems of wisdom out there. That’s why the best tip of all is this: be skeptical and test the dating tips you read by applying them.

To be clear, skepticism is NOT the same as being a naysayer or a hater who sits back, watches others take action and judges. I’m talking about the healthy skepticism of a man who doesn’t believe everything he hears.

So test scientifically and consistently. No need to get out your lab coat and beakers; simply raise an eyebrow and race to test out any advice you read with a curious, “hmmm, I wonder if that works.”

As you cultivate this habit of experimenting, you’ll find that you’re propelled actually talking to girls – lots of them. The fact is, the most fundamental aspect of improving your dating life is manning up, going outside and meeting to lots of women. Socializing constantly is the foundation on which everything else is built – no man has dated more women than he’s met!

The Benefits Of Skepticism

Having a keen sense of skepticism guards you from useless tips, malicious attempts to salt your game and even well-intentioned but misguided advice. What works for you, works for you, but what works for another guy may have no effect on – or even harm! – your game.

Everything that makes each person unique plays a factor: upbringing, cultural background, family relationships, previous romantic experiences, core values, and even seemingly unrelated things like taste in movies or sense of humor.

So when we hear vague advice like “Just be confident, man,” we can slice that junk data out right away since there’s no way to test it and get consistent results with a large sample pool of women-talked-to. (Be wary of vague dating advice that doesn’t actually give you specific actions you can take and test.)

And no, we’re not talking about “I tried this and it didn’t work on that one girl.” To conclude what actually works or not, you need sample pools of dozens, nay, hundreds, even thousands of women talked to in as short a time as possible, keeping all variables as consistent as possible. Usually, this requires getting up and out onto the streets of downtown to start rolling out tests. Tests like:

Do I get more phone numbers wearing blue ties or red ties?

Do I get more phone numbers while smiling or keeping a deadpan expression?

Do I get more phone numbers by saying “Tell me your phone number,” or by asking “What’s your phone number?

Once that’s done you can look back over your data. Which ties tested better, red or blue? Smile, or deadpan? Command, or question? What you’re left with is what works… For you.

You might find that with a big enough sample pool, you can pinpoint the most important variables in your success with women while realizing that most of the dating advice out there has absolutely nothing to do finding, meeting, attracting and keeping high value women of exceptional beauty and accomplishment (my favorite type).

How The Good Got Good

Want to talk about really getting an edge over the competition? Jerry Rice, one of the best NFL players of all time, said: “Today I will do what others won’t so tomorrow I can accomplish what others can’t.”

Few guys bring this level of skepticism and scientific testing to the field of dating advice and use it to meet tons of women on a daily basis… So when you get out and start talking to lots women, you’ll be in a league of your own pretty soon.

After a while, it becomes hilarious to see dating advice in a mainstream sources or any of the goofy stuff in Cosmopolitan. Recently, I read something like “According to science, women are more attracted to men who share their emotions,” then goes on to cite a study done by undergrads who interviewed 22 other college students about their feelings. Without even getting into the shoddy research methods, the microscopic sample pool of 22 people pretty much disqualified any of the data right off the bat.

But before drawing any hasty conclusions, it might be a good idea to take the information from that article and turn it into a testable variable. One week or month spent meeting women while blubbering out emotions, and another sticking to the straight and narrow by practicing self-control and patience. Test it out yourself (I already know what works for me and every other guy I know who is successful with women).

Only way to know for sure is to Man Up, get out there and test it out by meeting massive numbers of attractive women.

Be Amazing,

John Robie

If you want to read more about the massive research and testing that the John Robie and the guys over at DateMasters are doing, check out DateMasters. The have a ton of free advice and articles that are all based on their research efforts approaching over 10,000 women a year. Click here for more tested dating advice for men.

To men, “Does my ass look fat in this?” is the most ridiculous girl-question ever. We don’t see why it matters and laugh at how insecure women are about looks.

But haven’t you ever wondered if you’re good enough?

Us men freak out if we can’t perform in bed. We put women on pedestals and let them intimidate us. If another guy is better at something – work, sports, being liked by people – we beat ourselves up.

The fact is, we can be just insecure as women. As a man, your life is full of challenges; questioning your value and importance is natural.

Why do these feelings arise – and how do you know if you’re good enough?

Where Does The Self-Doubt Come From?

Yesterday, I read a popular magazine for the first time in years. Every page was filled with advice on how I’m supposed to look, dress and act. It made me remember that Western culture gives you a million reasons to feel like shit.

We’re obsessed with winning; with being the best. We’re always chasing the next thing that’s supposed to make us happy. We look at models, movie stars and athletes and try to mimic them and their perfect lives.

The fucked up thing is, those celebrities aren’t real. The people we see on T.V. screens and magazine covers don’t exist. They’re manufactured products – it’s all make-up, lighting, great packaging and artificial hype.

Still, we expect ourselves to match up to these imaginary characters. We want to be picture-perfect and the thought of screwing up terrifies us. On a deep level, that’s what self-doubt is: the fear of trying to be good enough and failing.

Good Enough: A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

Practitioners of certain martial arts break boards and bricks to test their strength. The usual advice is to “punch through the board.” Punch at the board instead and you’ll stop yourself early, injuring yourself and breaking nothing.

The same principle applies in life. If you take action while wondering if you’re good enough, you’ll stop yourself short of success. No matter what you do, your mind will stop you just as you reach your goals.

Regular people do amazing things all the time. The difference between them and the grey masses is simple: they punch through the board. They believe they’re good enough, and that faith becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

If you tell yourself you’re only good enough to make a little money and have a shitty life, that’s what you’ll get. If you feel entitled to have the best of everything, that’s what you’ll get. It really is that simple.

Do Other People Think You’re Good Enough?

In social settings, we’re constantly scouting the environment to see how other people are acting. Based on that information, we determine their worth and our own social value in relation to them.

Let’s say you walk up to some strangers. You’re shy, your voice is quivering and you’re smiling way too much. If you try to start a conversation, they’ll brush you off because you’re letting them know you’re a loser in these subtle ways.

Now let’s say you act friendly, crack jokes and assert yourself instead. This time, you’re acting like a man of value – and that’s how they will treat you, too. Instead of ignoring you, they’ll make an effort to be liked by you.

So once again, it’s all about how you feel. If you punch AT the board and wonder about being good enough, other people will wonder the same thing. If you choose to act confidently, other people will accept you as a high-value individual.

In The End

Being good enough isn’t something you are or aren’t – it’s something you choose to be. As soon as you make that choice, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You can keep questioning your self-worth or you can let yourself be the awesome dude we both know you really are. What’s it gonna be?

I love standing behind the bar. It gives me a completely different perspective on the place that I used to call home. I started going to the bar and approaching people as soon as I turned 18. I wanted more options for myself and I wanted to improve my social skills – the nightclub seemed like the perfect place to practice.

I was a regular. I went 4 nights a week for 5 hours each night and all I did was approach people. I’ve always had a an addictive personality.  I don’t just like something; I become obsessed with it. Approaching people was no different. I was addicted to approaching people for 2 years. I met so many people in the nightlife that the nightclubs I went to had no choice but to hire me as a bartender. I knew the network that went to their venue!

I’ve been a bartender for just over a year now. I’ve seen  both sides of the bar, the side that I approached people from and the side that people approached me. I learned more from behind the bar because that’s where I have the most value.

George asked me to write a blog on Night venues for his blog and I was stoked. The nightlife is something I have come to have a good understanding of. Here are a few lessons I’ve learned in the last couple of years; I want to share with you in this article today.

Why People Go To Clubs, Bars and Other Night Venues

I’ve come to believe that people come to the nightclub for one of two reasons; often times both. People come to meet people, and people come to have fun. For that reason the nightlife is the best place to go to meet the most amount of people and have the most amount of  SHORT TERM fun.

The girls that go out to the nightclub spend an hour showering, straightening their hair, applying their makeup and picking their favorite outfit fully knowing that guys are going to be approaching them. They may as well look good, if that’s the case! I’ve never seen a girl come to the bar in sweatpants and her hair up. It doesn’t happen. When girls leave their house with their girlfriends they know that they’re going to be approached.

Any guy can get a few drinks in him to get the liquid courage to walk up to a girl. Even if you’re COMPLETELY SOBER, (like I was for most nights I went out) it’s not good enough. How does this girl know that you’re sober? Your social skills have to be on point, your sub communications have to be tight . I’ve found tonality to be one of the most important things when it comes to the nightlife because your tonality always shows your emotion. Show an emotion that attracts the girl and you’re speaking directly to her subconscious.

Guys jump in the shower, put on their favorite tight T Shirt, apply whichever cologne makes them smell like a lumberjack and head out to the bar knowing they want to meet girls. A lot of guys go out with the INTENTION of meeting girls but when it comes down to their ability to act they back away. As a bartender I’ve seen that most guys just feel like they’re not able to get into the rhythm of the night unless they’re drunk.

What Going To Night Venues Can Really Offer You

The nightlife is the best place to go to increase the AMOUNT of options that you have. I can personally say from experience that the nightlife is not the best place to go when it comes to the QUALITY of your options. The nightlife is a great place for you to go if you have anxiety issues when thinking about approaching, or if you’re not looking for anything serious.

This is my recommendation for you as the party – goer. Look at your social skills right now. Be brutally honest with yourself. Do you believe that you could maintain a long – term relationship with a girl that you see as extremely quality?

Yes? The nightlife isn’t the place for you. This isn’t the case with most guys at the start of their social journey though.

It’s more likely that you are where I was at a year ago. I wanted to go out and and meet more girls to get that practice in. Going out at night is a great place to start but don’t make the same mistake I did. ALL I DID WAS APPROACH GIRLS. Because of that it took me a long time for my ability to make guys into friends to develop. Improving  your social skills is essential so when that girl, that business client, that social circle that you like comes along you know how communicate.

The biggest thing that the nightlife has to offer is the luxury of facing your fears. That’s right – it’s a luxury. Every time that you approach while you’re sober you allow yourself to overcome one limiting belief. Facing fears in one area of your life helps you in EVERY area of life.

I’m telling you that I’ve seen many, many people come to my bar and grab a shot before going and talking to a girl of their choice. Don’t be one of those guys. The short – term benefits that you get from your shot won’t strengthen any long term relationship that you have so do yourself a favor – head to the local bar and face some fears this Friday night. Learn from your mistakes and move forward smarter and stronger into the next conversation.

Interested in learning more about the nightlife? Email George and ask him some questions; or email me at brian@kingpinlifestyle.com and I’ll give you the answers you’re looking for : )

George’s note

Brian is a passionate writer, a sober socialite and aspires to be a positive influence to everyone he interacts with. He writes for Kingpin Lifestyle – an amazing resource for anyone interested in social dynamics and self-improvement. He’s also just a really cool dude – you can read more about him here.

Not only are men are more likely to suffer after break-ups – women leave us more often than we leave them. (And initiate 70% of all divorces).

You don’t want that to be your story. Trust me – when a good girl walks out on you, it hurts bad.

But if you’re an average guy, you might not understand why chicks leave guys and what you can do to keep your girl around.

In this post, I’ll explain how you can:

• Get your girlfriend’s eyes to light up every time she sees you.
• Make sure she won’t find anyone better than you when she goes out.
• Hold on to the girl you care about on your terms.
• Get more of the things you like – steaks, massages, sexual favors – in your relationship.

Let’s start by understanding the why’s of women leaving men.

Reason #1 – She’s Less Inclined to Seek Approval Than You Are

Women get boatloads of approval everyday. They support each other; they’re physical with each other (hugs and kisses); they give each other compliments freely.

Not only that – strangers are nice to girls, especially attractive ones. From the guys hitting on her (every day) to the clerk at the mall, everyone’s giving your girlfriend compliments and attention.

You, on the other hand, get none of that good stuff.

That’s why your girl’s a lot less scared of breaking up than you are. She can get approval whenever she wants it. You, on the other hand, will struggle get any if you lose her.

Reason #2 – She Has More Options Than You

Remember how I said guys are hitting on your girl every day? Yeah.

Men aren’t all that picky. Your girlfriend has 5 guys who’d love to take her out right now in her phonebook. New dudes are hitting on her all the time, too. (I’ve been one of those “new dudes” many times).

Your girlfriend always has the option to find someone else without making any effort. Always keep that in mind.

Reason #3 – You’re Not Making Her Feel Like You Used To

Women often complain their boyfriends get lazier and lazier over time.

This makes sense as far as evolutionary psychology goes. When you start having sex with a girl, you subconsciously impregnate her. After successfully passing on your genes, you feel less inclined to make an effort.

That may have worked for our ancestors but it doesn’t work for us. My PUA mentors told me a woman needs to be seduced every day, not just once. He was right – if you’re not making her feel like you used to, you’ll get dumped. Always remember to do all the things that attracted her in the first place.

Reason #4 – She’s Tired of You Supplicating to Her

Because of Reasons #1 & #2, many men (correctly) feel their girlfriends can easily leave them. To prevent that, they start giving women everything they ask for.

I know a guy who lets his girlfriend terrorize him with jealousy. She freaks out if he so much as speaks to another girl. He understands this is crazy but does nothing out of fear of losing his woman.

This is a huge mistake. Girls love and respect strong, confident men. They hate pushovers who’ll do anything for them.

You do need to make an effort (see Reason #3) every day but being a wimp isn’t the answer. Always put your core values first – even if it feels like you might lose your girlfriend.

Reason #5 – You Don’t Know What You Want From Her

Here’s a little secret about women. Eventually, they want “something more”.

This could be a committed relationship, a ring (there’s even a theme song) or something else. You need to know if you want the same things – otherwise you’ll lose your chick or make some bad, bad decisions.

If you’re serious about your girlfriend, let her know; don’t flip-flop. I’m not saying you have to marry her, but give her some certainty about your future together.

If you don’t see a happy outcome for the two of you, be honest with her (and yourself). You’ll break up eventually – but there’ll be a lot less drama and pain.

Getting Your Girl to Stick Around – and Love You More

Understanding the reasons girls leave their guys so often is important.

But what you really want is to make your girlfriend’s heart sing every time she thinks of you. Being in a relationship with someone who’s deeply grateful to have you is an incredible feeling. Here’s how you can make that happen:

• Be romantic. This is important – women notice thoughtful gestures, especially in long-term relationships. Don’t take her for granted.
• Make an effort to look good. No relationship gut, no bummy clothes, etc.
• Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means disagreeing. As long as you’re not doing it for your ego, she’ll respect you for it.
• In light of the previous point, pick your battles. Learn to compromise and don’t fight over petty things.
• Hone your social skills. She has options – make sure you have some, too.
• When you’re together, make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world; give her your undivided attention.
• Build social circles. Being reliant on her for all your approval and positive emotions is a disaster waiting to happen.
• Know what you want and communicate it clearly. If you’re cool with committing, don’t be bashful about it.
• Be honest. Everyone screws up, but lying in order to be liked will make you revolting to most women.

And that’s that – a guide to why girls dump guys and how you can keep your girlfriend around!

If you enjoyed this post or have something to say about break-ups, write your message below. I always reply; we could have a fun conversation and learn something new .

George P.H.

There are many reasons to expand your social circle. Maybe you want to make new friends; maybe you’re bored and looking for people who share your interests; maybe you want to get laid.

In 2008, I had just moved and barely knew anyone. I was bored, lonely and miserable; most of my Fridays were spent eating pizza and watching crappy movies (shoutout to “Leprechaun 3”) alone.

In truth, I desperately wanted to have a large social circle, go out and feel like I belong. But how do you meet new people when talking to strangers sends shivers down your spine?

Turns out, there are ways – even if you’re as socially awkward as I was 4 years ago. Here are 3 simple and very effective ways to make sure your life is always full of people.

Start Going Out

When it comes to growing your social circle, showing up is more than half the battle. The people you want to have in your life won’t magically appear on your doorstep.

Problem is, the comfort zone is veeeeeery comfortable! I know first-hand how tempting it is to stay at home – and alone – rather than go out.

That’s why you should start with venues you’re used to or can enjoy. If you’re the quiet type, spend a few hours at a coffee shop or library. If you’re into cooking, sign up to a class.

I have a friend who goes out to have some coffee and read a book every evening. He’s shy and introverted, but he’s made dozens of friends just by being around other people. Do the same by leaving your house more often.

Snowball Your Contacts

Let’s say you already have people you enjoy being with in your social circle: friends, family, workmates. Why not get to know their friends? Your interests, values and ideas are very likely to match. Get to know your friends’ friends, then their friends, etc etc – and watch your social circles explode.

Snowballing your contacts takes very little work. Just show up to family barbeques, Friday nights out and birthday parties. You’ll meet lots of new people, each one of them pre-selected as “fit for friendship” by people you trust.

Smile and the whole world smiles with you

When I was going through my lonely phase, I felt like the world was out to get me. I made mean faces when people looked at me – and wondered why nobody was ever nice.

Don’t make the same mistake; be nice to the people you meet in everyday life. A smile and some genuine interest will get you much further than you think.

So there you have it; 3 easy ways to meet new people without going too far out of your comfort zone. Use them, act natural and thank me later.

He’s worth over $500 million. He holds the record for #1 Billboard solo albums. He rocked Glastonbury and married Beyoncé – one of the sexiest, most successful women on earth.

Jay-Z – real name Shawn Carter – has everything a man could dream of.

But things weren’t always this easy. In the ‘90’s, no record label wanted to sign him. Like most self-made successes, Jay-Z made it through lots of hard work and brilliant decision-making.

Here’s what you can learn from the Marcy Projects boy who became a success symbol.

1. Believe In Yourself

Jay-Z started rapping as a teenager and performed in his mentor’s music video as early as 1989. Why did his first album (Reasonable Doubt) come out much later – in 1996?

The answer is simple – the man couldn’t get a record deal. No label wanted to invest in him. At this point, most would’ve given up, not seeing any other options – but Mr. Carter believed in himself too much to do that.

Instead, he co-founded his own fucking record label and started releasing music through it.

The result? Jay-Z became a superstar; his business (Rocafella) was wildly successful; Rocawear (the affiliated clothing line) ended up bringing in $700 million in annual revenue.

Lesson: None of that would’ve been possible if a young guy named Shawn doubted himself and his vision. The lesson is simple – don’t limit yourself with doubt. Start believing and watch the magic happen.

2. No Defeat is Final

In 2001, Jay-Z released a diss track calling out, amongst other people, Nas. Nas had been a rap heavyweight but hadn’t released anything in a while – most people expected him to stay out of sight or get steamrolled.

Instead, he surprised everyone with a devastating track that destroyed Jay-Z’s reputation and confidence. Jay sounded lost and confused in his interviews that year. To make matters worse, The Blueprint 2 was panned by critics (despite selling well).

Some men would’ve accepted defeat – but Jay-Z didn’t stay down. The men settled their differences and Jay went back to making smart smart decisions. A few years later, Nas signed to Def Jam – and guess who happened to be the label’s president? (Hint: it was a guy named Shawn)

Lesson: If you ever feel bested, remember that defeat is temporary. You only truly lose when you stay down.

3. Forget The Rules

Jay-Z was 26 when he released his first album. Other rappers popular at the time – Tupac, Nas, Biggie – had all released classic albums by their early 20’s. Rap had always been a young man’s game and everyone knew it.

But like he did with many other rules, Jay-Z ignored this one. And now, as a 42-year old rapper, he rewrote another rule: that nobody would ever listen to a middle-aged MC. Even today, he’s a rockstar rapper.

Lesson: Each field has its own rules – but sometimes it’s alright to ignore them. The bigger your vision, the more comfortable you need to be with disobeying, disregarding and refusing. Get comfortable with ignoring rules.

4. Know How to Sell Yourself

In 2003, Jay-Z announced his retirement; The Black Album would be his 9^th and last.

Immediately, everyone was scrambling to see him live. Sure, he’d lost a rap battle to Nas and The Blueprint 2 wasn’t great – but he was still a living legend! Throughout the year, nostalgia and hype fuelled interest in Jay-Z’s performances.

Only he never retired. After the album’s release, Jay went on a tour; collaborated with Linkin Park; rapped on other artists’ songs; did everything to stay in the public eye. Instead of disappearing, he basically went on a publicity tour.

By the time he released his 10^th album – just 3 years after “leaving rap” – he was bigger than ever. Some called the whole thing a scam but I call it genius!

Jay-Z sold himself perfectly. He made a great product; promoted it non-stop; made it exclusive and unavailable (by retiring). When he released the tension by coming back, listeners were desperate for new music.

Lesson: I’m all about honesty, but don’t feel shy about selling yourself. Be relentless about creating and promoting personal value. It worked for Jay-Z, it worked for countless other people and it’ll work for you.

5. Final Thoughts – Why Work Trumps Talent

Notorious B.I.G. had a unique, irresistible voice.

Nas had a gift: a true poet, he rhymed like nobody before him.

Tupac had creativity: he recorded hundreds of tracks before dying at 25.

Jay-Z had none of those things – and still doesn’t. He has a weak voice and poor breath control, incredible rhymes or wild creativity. He was never a particularly talented rapper; he came across as awkward and meek in interviews.

On paper, Jay-Z had none of the talents a superstar should have (which is probably why no label would sign him). But he did have something else.

What he had was a relentless work ethic and the 4 things I already mentioned: a dream, the ability to sell, a disregard for the rules and confidence. In the end, that gave him the edge over hundreds and thousands of better rappers.

If there’s only one lesson we should learn from men like Shawn Carter, it’s that hard work trumps talent. Champions aren’t born; they’re made by overcoming difficulties and doing what others won’t.

Have you ever felt overwhelmed by, well… Life?

It’s easy to feel confused out there. Life takes forever to figure out; we compare ourselves to the people on T.V. and feel like shit; there are so many questions and few answers.

With so many problems and issues, it’s natural to worry and feel like you’re fucking up. But trust me when I say you’re doing great – or, at least, you can choose to do great.

You don’t need to change jobs or move away. You don’t need to “fake it ‘till you make it.” You just need to make the simple, life-transforming choice to be happy and kick ass.

Here’s how.

Negativity – A Self-Fulfilling Prophecy

As a beginner pick-up artist, I screwed up all the time. I worked very hard but the ladies just weren’t digging me. Eventually I got frustrated and made my instructor – Andy – watch me chat girls up for feedback.

Instead of giving me the blow-by-blow critique I expected, he just said: “you’re doing great.”

I disagreed. In my mind, I was awkward and unattractive; he had to be wrong. I started beating myself up over how bad I was – and the more I stressed, the worse I got around girls.

I now understand that I wasn’t unattractive – I was just an idiot. I spent so much time obsessing about being awkward that it messed with my head – and my game. I’d created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Most people are the same – they get negative ideas and focus on them until they become real. “I could never stay on that diet”; “a girl that cute can do better than me”; “I can’t quit – I’m lucky to have a job in this economy.”

Repeat a thought like that often enough and it materializes. You’ve probably had recurring thoughts like that yourself. It’s like Banana Yoshimoto wrote:

People aren’t overcome by situations or outside forces. Defeat invades from within.

You don’t fail a diet when you slip up and have a muffin; you fail when you let that muffin destroy your confidence and determination (as anyone who’s dieted will tell you).

So if you’re in some shit right now – lonely, broke, overweight, whatever – pause. Understand that most of the negativity is in your head. Raise your expectations and the world will change to meet them.

Why Being Positive Rocks

“When you want something, the entire world conspires in helping you to achieve it.” Paulo Coelho

Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of my favorite success stories. An immigrant who came to the USA with nothing, he’s succeeded at everything: business, acting, politics and bodybuilding.

When asked about his first Mr. Universe title, Arnold said he’d visualized winning so many times that doing it in real life was natural. Amazing, right?

That’s the power of positive thinking. It’s worked for countless successful people and is what most modern self-help is based on. I would’ve laughed if someone told me 2 years ago, but life really does deliver what you expect from it.

Feel like a person who’s doing great and you will do great.

Just to be clear, I’m not asking you to fake it ‘til you make it. Life’s not all roses and ponies – it can be good, it can be bad and it can be straight up shitty. Acknowledging that is only fair.

But while you can’t control life’s circumstances, you can control your own actions. Let’s say a girl at the bar rejects you: what happens next will depend on your attitude.

If you view yourself as a successful person, you’ll shrug the rejection off. If you view yourself as a loser, you’ll feel like shit for ages and let the experience destroy your self-esteem.

That’s why it’s so important to truly believe you’re doing great. Positive thinking leads to positive results; negative thinking leads to negative results. It’s ultimately your choice, but I know I want positive results!

Staying Positive Effortlessly

You’re probably thinking that my viewpoint is great in theory but hard to apply. That’s true – but only if you decide to be positive through brute force. Struggling to remain upbeat is a recipe for disaster.

See, you can do all the exercises you want, but positive change is temporary unless you honestly believe you’re doing great. If you’re a loser in your mind, your subconscious will work to turn you into one – over and over and over again.

What you should do, instead, is understand why you’re already awesome.

You’re probably good at something – drawing; writing; talking to people; your job. I’ve never met a person who didn’t have a talent – everyone’s got something. Embrace your strengths and reward yourself for them with positive emotions.

If you think you’re good at absolutely nothing – that’s fine too. You’ve read this post and learned something new; in other words, you’ve already achieved something today. Keep it up and you’ll do amazing.

Always remember that you’re affected by a bunch of things at any given time – some great, some shit and some alright. It’s up to you what you filter out and what you let in.

But if you follow this post, embrace your awesomeness and think positively – you’ll be amazed at how great life becomes.

“Hey! Do you remember me? I work at your bank; I helped you set up your account a few weeks ago…”

I was sitting in front of my computer with a self-satisfied smile. All I did was open a bank account and the cute manager found me on Facebook to arrange a date herself.

What makes the situation ironic is this: earlier that day, I was thinking about how easy it is to be liked in everyday situations.

The secret is something I learned from a childhood friend who seemed to get along with everyone in our neighbourhood: courtesy.

I don’t work hard to win anyone over; hell, I don’t even care what people think of me. And yet I get good seats at restaurants, extra syrup on diner pancakes and smiles from strangers.

In a world where people don’t give a shit about each other, it’s amazing how far you can get with a little respect and warmth.

Why You Should Treat Others Well

When you treat other people well, they feel great about themselves – and you!

That’s what makes courtesy so powerful.

There’s no need to be super-formal: just have some consideration for others. A simple smile and a “How are you?” will already set you apart from most people. So set a minimal standard for yourself and meet it in all your interactions.

I say hello, smile and listen to everyone I meet. Everyone: the cleaning lady at work, the barista at Starbucks, the taxi driver taking me home. Even if I’m in a shitty mood, I will do those 3 things: that’s my bottom line.

You might have different standards for yourself; it doesn’t matter, so long as you always remember to treat others with a certain amount of consideration.

For starters, just try greeting and smiling at the people you meet in everyday life – the pizza delivery guy, the postman, etc. You’ll be amazed at what a difference it makes to others, and how much better they start treating you.

How Not to Be Fake

There’s a fine line between being polite and kissing ass.

People who get liked are courteous, but not too familiar or overbearing. Don’t try to make friends with every single person you meet; that just screams “phony.”

Don’t say things you don’t mean, either. Compliment your neighbor’s hideous sweater or ask her how she’s doing when you don’t really care, and you risk:

1. Coming across as fake.
2. Wasting your time on hearing things you don’t wanna hear.

If you don’t feel like talking to someone, just fall back to your bare minimum: say “Hello,” smile and keep it moving.

Being Nice Builds Your Reputation

Here’s another benefit of being polite to people – you’ll benefit from being on good terms with the people around you.

Situation A – you walk into the local Starbucks with tense body language and a glare; stand in the queue; make your order and notice a cute girl. You decide to talk to her.

Situation B – you walk into the local Starbucks and high-five the baristas. One of them asks: “The usual?” You nod and start chatting away with the regulars. You take your order and notice a cute girl you decide to talk to.

In Situation B, you have a huge advantage before you say anything. Treating others well gives you social proof and makes you look good: new people will think more highly of you by default.

When This Doesn’t Work

These are the guidelines for being on good terms with people you meet in everyday situations – at the coffee shop, bank, supermarket, etc. It does not apply to people you know more intimately.

The girl from the bank messaged me because I made her day when we were filling out forms. A big part of that was me being considerate – many of the bank’s clients are jerks to her. But if I keep being nice all the time, she’ll lose interest quickly.

In future posts, I’ll explain when – and how – to switch gears and close the distance.

Got any cool stories about the power of courtesy?

You jut met a fantastic girl. You’re both having fun, she’s cool and you want to see her again. All you need is her number.

For most men – pickup artists, hopeless romantics, regular dudes – this is where things get awkward. When do you ask? How to avoid rejection? What do you say?

I’ve seen a lot of bad advice – ranging from useless to creepy – on this topic. Some websites even have elaborate schemes and plans. But this way is simple, honest and effective.

No tricks, no bullshit; read up and start gettin’ them digits.

1 – Do It The Right Way

First thing’s first: a girl’s number, by itself, means very little. You just need it to make arrangements after your first meeting. What you really want is a date/sex/a relationship.

So focus on attracting her, not just exchanging contact details. Build a connection; explore commonalities; find something you both enjoy doing. Take your time – don’t just jump from small talk to “can I have your number.” If she likes you enough, getting her digits will be an afterthought.

The single best thing you can do?

Man up and arrange your next meeting before you have her contact details. If she says yes to “we should totally have coffee on Tuesday,” she’s committed to seeing you again. You’ll get the number automatically and have a date lined up.

Win-win.

2 – Plan B – Go Direct

You won’t always have the opportunity to build momentum and take things slow. Maybe you’re in a hurry; maybe you’re at a loud venue; maybe you talked to her earlier that night, wussed out and are making a last-ditch effort before leaving.

Whatever the scenario, Plan B is to be direct.

“Hey, you’re really fun. I’d like to keep talking to you, but I gotta go. Give me your number; if you turn out to be cool, we can grab a coffee next week.”

Tweak the words depending on the situation, but always be direct and confident about what you want, and why. Girls want to meet new guys too, so pulling this off isn’t hard!

3 – What To Say & Where To Point

When you’re popping the big question (OK, so it’s not that big), just act casual. Act like you expect her to cooperate and she will. A few pointers:

• Don’t ask “So can I have your number?” – say “Let’s exchange digits” or “Leave me your number” instead.
• As soon as you make the suggestion, whip your phone out. Remember – you expect her to cooperate.
• If she stalls, press the phone into her hands or get her started by saying the local area code out loud.
• Don’t try to suddenly change up your body language, it’ll just seem weird. Act natural.
• If you can, go for the number in the middle of a conversation – not at the end. It feels more natural.
• If you’re using Plan B, maintain eye contact until she starts talking.

4 – Deal With Resistance

Sometimes, you can do everything right and still get shot down. The 2 most common excuses are “I have a boyfriend” and “How about you give me your number?”

Giving her your number sucks because then you have no control over when/if she calls you. If she tries to do this, say it’s only fair you get hers too. If that doesn’t work, say you don’t pick up calls from unknown caller IDs and ask again.

As for boyfriends (and other excuses), you have several options.

Option 1 – On to the next one. There are millions of girls out there – why bother with one who isn’t enthusiastic about seeing you again? And if she really does have a boyfriend, do you want the drama?

Option 2 – Play off whatever she’s saying with jokes. “I have a boyfriend too, but you don’t see me bragging about it!” or “You have a boyfriend? Maybe he can cook cook for us later!” Then try again, either immediately or after a few minutes of chatting.

I’m not a fan of this approach because I don’t enjoy working through excuses; it sets a bad dynamic for the rest of the relationship. It does work, though!

Option 3 – Be honest.

“Look… I think you’re cool and I’m pretty awesome myself. At the end of the day, we’ll never meet each other again if we don’t like chatting on the phone. So let’s do this thang!”

I prefer options 1 and 3 because they’re natural to me, but they all work. Experiment and see what works. Just don’t waste time chasing flakey, difficult girls when millions of women would love to spend time with you.

5 – NO MORE “Let’s hang out sometime.” Make Specific Plans!

“Let’s hang out” is a popular line… and I hate it with a passion. Never use it to get a girl’s number.

Sure, she might want to see you “sometime,” but “sometime” is an abstract concept. When you ask her out the next day, you’ll have to go through all the motions again: make a connection, get her excited about meeting you, etc.

Cut your workload in half by setting a specific time and place – with backup options if necessary – ASAP. It makes the first date easy to set up and eliminates flakes.

Even if you don’t go on a date as planned, it’s better for you to be “the guy I couldn’t have coffee with last night” than “the guy I’ll hang out with… sometime.”

A friend isn’t someone you have an occasional drink with or the neighbor you chat to bi-weekly. He isn’t that guy you stopped talking to after graduating, moving away or changing jobs.

A friend is someone who lends you money, picks you up from the airport at 4 A.M., calls your ex a bitch when she dumps you and blows off everything to help when you need him most. (Even if you haven’t talked in 3 months.)

He’s someone you can share anything with and always count on.

Most guys I meet have nobody like that in their lives. They have pals and buddies; disposable companions. That’s a shame, but like attracts like: if you want to have real friends, start by being one yourself.

Here’s how.

1 – Learn to Care

You can’t be close to someone who isn’t interested in your life. Always stay on top of what’s going on with your friends; it doesn’t matter if you call, text or e-mail. Caring is the single most important thing you can do.

2 – Be Honest

Always stay true to yourself. Don’t put on a mask to fit in or win someone over; people can tell. The real you will come out eventually, so why not act genuine from the get-go?

The same applies in the long run. It’s not very macho for men to discuss their feelings, but if something is on your mind – share it. Be open and honest about things that bother you to resolve them quickly.

3 – Set and Respect Personal Boundaries

Everyone has things they will and will not do. I, for example, will not hang out with people who don’t wear pants. That’s a personal boundary; people who overstep it make me uncomfortable.

The same is true for everyone else: we expect people to act within certain limits. If you fail to respect those limits, you’ll be putting other people on edge just by being around – not a good thing.

This works both ways – always set and enforce your own boundaries so you feel comfortable.

4 – Be Direct About What You Want

Men suck at mind reading and will never figure out that you really need something. If you want something from a guy friend, be direct.

5 – Around Company, Your Friend is Always Awesome

You might bust each other’s balls in private, but out in public a friend is perfect. If you’re on a double date and he makes an outrageous, extravagant claim, guess what? His statement is now fact. Booya!

Remember – you either look good or bad together to the outside world. Try to undermine your partner by disagreeing with, mocking or doubting him, and you’ll tool yourself too.

It’s your duty to make each other look as good as possible. Even if you’re pissed at a friend, save the drama for later. Two grown men bickering in public is just sad.

6 – Take One For The Team

Nothing demonstrates character like putting yourself second once in a while. Don’t hesitate to make a small sacrifice to help someone get what they really want.

So yes: you have to go on that double date if that’s the only shot your friend has with his dream girl.

7 – Bros Before Hoes (Yes, I said it. Sue me.)

Nothing’s worse than a guy who ditches his social group for a girl. Sure, you won’t be around as much if you’re seeing someone; that’s normal. What’s not normal is “dumping” your friends completely when you’re in a relationship.

Women might come and go, but your boys will always have your back: make sure you have theirs.

8 – Learn to Forgive

The people you’re closest to can hurt you easily. Just remember that nobody’s perfect; we all screw up. Some of the things my best friends and I have said to each other in anger were pretty rough.

But at the end of the day, you have to overlook the petty things, forgive and move on. You can’t be close to someone you’re secretly furious at.

9 – Don’t Forget to Stay Independent

A bond between two guys is an amazing thing, but you still have to make the big decisions for yourself. Never forget to be your own man: make your own career, lifestyle and relationship choices. Don’t let anyone else direct your life.

10 – Respect

Never turn to rudeness, even if you disagree with a friend’s opinion, actions or words. Men are hardwired to react to disrespect; whether your friend decides to punch you or never talk to you again, there’s never a happy ending.