Why Pick-Up Lines Don’t Work And Never Will

by George P.H. on June 20, 2012

What’s the hardest part of approaching, attracting and seducing a woman?

“The first kiss” and “Getting her number” are common answers. But haven’t you ever seen a beautiful girl and thought: “I wish I knew what to say to her”?

Believe it or not, that’s how most guys feel every day: starting a conversation is the toughest part of meeting and seducing a woman.

To simplify things, men use pick-up lines that range from cheesy one-liners to sophisticated PUA routines. There’s just one small problem. Pick-up lines don’t work and never will. Even the fancy-schmancy PUA ones.

Here’s why.

Pick-Up Lines: The History

Resent research confirms you probably know already: men think logically, women think emotionally.

In fact, us guys are so logical we systematize everything – even attraction. Talk smooth, dress nice, explain how cool you are and get laid: this is how we intuitively approach seduction.

From this perspective, pick-up lines make sense. Memorizing and delivering a scripted phrase means you have less to worry about. You can talk smooth, display value and say something cool – all in one motion.

(Alternatively, you can use one of these and maybe elicit a few laughs.)

The first pick-up artists took things one step further and memorized entire conversations, routines and stories. Like pick-up lines, these were designed to get you liked and – eventually – laid.

Over time, increasingly complex pick-up lines – or openers – were developed. Some were based on psychology, others on humor – but openers of all kinds were a cornerstone of seduction theory for many years.

(Just to give you an idea of how important openers were to PUAs: I spent 2 months doing nothing but writing, practicing and refining mine in 2009.)

Then, something happened. After many years of routines and lines, pick-up artists started moving away from memorization. That’s when they realized why pick-up lines don’t work and never will.

Why Pick-Up Lines Don’t Work

If you’re a cool guy – and you probably are – you think you know what I’m about to say. “Pick-up lines don’t work because they’re corny.” ZING! You’re wrong; good openers can be clever and classy.

I’m not a moralist, either; I’m not here to say that getting laid using scripts and memorization is wrong. If pick-up lines could help you find love and sex, I’d encourage you to use them.

But there’s a good reason the seduction community has turned away from canned openers (pre-written pick-up lines): they suck!

Let’s say you come up with a great line and are ready to use it. Already, you’re facing a few tough questions:

  • Is your line applicable in this venue/situation?
  • What are the potential responses and how should you react to them?
  • What are you going to do if you can’t use your line (for whichever reason)?
  • What if something unexpected happens as you’re delivering your opener?

It doesn’t matter how good your pick-up line is – from the moment of its inception, it’s creating problems for you! Unless you plan for all of them, you’ll fail a lot – or, even worse, do nothing (from fear of failure).

But what if you could write the best openers, have a plan for every scenario and memorize all this junk? Would pick-up lines work then?

The answer is still “No.”

5 More Reasons Pick-Up Lines Don’t Work

Earlier, I wrote I once spent 2 months doing nothing but practicing openers. I could start a conversation effortlessly long before I started getting regular dates (or sex).

But as I used my “pick-up lines,” I kept running into the same problems. I later learned that many top-tier PUAs experienced them too. Here they are:

  1. They get stale – unless you’re an acting enthusiast, you get sick of saying “I’m buying a present for my sister…” after the 100th time.
  2. They’re unnatural – even if you wrote the line, it doesn’t reflect what you feel/think/want as you’re walking up to a girl. If your mood doesn’t match the opener, you will come across as unnatural and weird.
  3. Girls know – women are much better at “sensing” things than men. If a line is stale or unnatural to you, the girl will know. Being spontaneous and expressing yourself honestly is way easier.
  4. You can get away with saying anything – Women don’t care about what you say – only how you make them feel. Once you understand this, pick-up lines become unnecessary.
  5. Lines = excuses – An opener is just an excuse for you and a girl to start talking. And when your life is full of excuses, you’re not being a man – which is harmful to your development and unattractive to girls.

The bottom line is, I’ve spent god knows how much time studying openers and getting them to work. It’s OK to have one or two for emergencies, but trust me when I say that being spontaneous is always better - even if all you say is “Hey there.”

The real purpose of pick-up lines (or openers) – if you’re serious about studying attraction – is to give you the courage to walk up and say something. Other than that, remember: what you’re saying doesn’t matter to women. What matters is how you feel and how you make them feel.

So forget the pick-up lines; if you want to talk to a girl, start with a simple “hey.”

{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }

D June 22, 2012 at 8:18 am

I can never get used to how easily I attract women just by being myself without thinking about what I am going to say or in most cases without thinking about trying to get somewhere with her.

“What matters is how you feel and how you make them feel.” So true.

Reply

George P.H. June 25, 2012 at 7:29 am

Amen to that! I think that attraction is a lot less about learning than it is about unlearning. Once you relax and tune into who you are as a man, just about everything falls into place.

Reply

J. Delancy June 27, 2012 at 9:12 pm

Initially the idea of giving men the ability to get started speaking to women was what the PUA scene was in the beginning but it morphed into an money sucking industry. The best advice on the subject comes from Stephen Nash and I can summarize it easily:
1) Have a life – Places to go, things to do, goals to meet
2) Be yourself – Putting the best version of you out there more often goes a long way.

Reply

George P.H. June 28, 2012 at 6:50 am

I agree. I think that meeting and attracting women is a lot simpler than the industry makes it out to be. Be yourself, act sociable and push yourself to talk to new people all the time – that’s all there is to it. I wish more guys my age felt the same way, J. :)

Reply

Randy July 4, 2012 at 9:45 am

Pick up lines are lame but the girl in the picture is an absolute FOX

Reply

George P.H. July 5, 2012 at 6:45 am

True, true :)

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