Why Do Girls Like Assholes so Much? 5 Things To Know

by George P.H. on December 10, 2012

The first time I fell in love, I was 13. I wanted her to like me back so much I was prepared to do anything. I did my best to be nice, kind and giving – but none of it worked.

So I spent 2 years watching my first crush date asshole after asshole. She’d fall for the cheaters, the jerks and the guys who disrespected her. Every time, I was the one she cried to when things went wrong for the Nth time.

I didn’t get it. Here I was, giving her so much and ready to give more; we’d be great together… But she kept choosing them over me. She wasn’t the only one; over the years, many of the girls I liked ended up with assholes.

So when I finally decided to get with women, the first thing I wanted to know was, “why do girls like assholes so much?” – and whether I had to become one to be loved.

Here are the answers to those questions.

1. Girls Like Assholes because They’re Strong

Assholes have tough, dominant personalities. They’re not afraid to assert themselves over other people – in fact, they rarely show fear at all. They take what they want from life and don’t care what anyone thinks of them.

This is incredibly attractive because girls want to be with men who make them feel safe and protected. They like strong guys who know what they want and aren’t afraid to take it. Assholes have all those qualities – and so women choose them.

2. Girls Like Assholes because They Have Other Priorities

Women like successful, accomplished men. Just look at how they act around rockstars, actors, etc; success is an incredibly powerful aphrodisiac.

As an extension of that, girls are also attracted to guys who’ll be successful in the future. And what kind of man has the capacity to succeed? One who feels passionate and ambitious about his life’s goals, of course.

On the other hand, a man who puts his woman first is unattractive. There’s no challenge to him, his life has no great purpose: nothing sexy or interesting there.

By putting their women second, assholes project the potential for success. This is the second quality that makes them so attractive to women.

3. Assholes Create Emotional Ups & Downs, a.k.a. Chick Crack

A girl can talk to her friends for hours, whining about a guy who keeps being hot & cold; complaining how she can’t figure him out. (Some even make funky songs).

But at the end of the day, she’s talking about him, isn’t she?

Women are attracted to drama, mystery and challenges. They might not enjoy emotional ups and downs, but they’re attracted to the men who create them. Assholes are real good at that, which is the third reason chicks dig them.

4. Assholes are Direct

One of the most unattractive things about “nice guys” is how murky they are about what they want. They’re so busy trying to protect themselves from rejection that they don’t show the girl what they want from her.

This is extremely confusing to a woman. Try to put yourself in her position – imagine someone is being nice to you for no reason at all.

A stranger starts being nice to you on the street. You suspect he wants something – maybe money, maybe to sell you something – and so his niceness comes across as an act. You don’t know his intentions, which puts you on guard.

That’s how women feel about men who aren’t clear about what they want.

Assholes are always direct. They may not be nice, but at least they’re real – which is infinitely more attractive. This is the fourth and final reason women like them so much.

5. Main Point… You don’t have to be an asshole to be ANY of these things.

I spent so many years thinking girls like assholes… But I was wrong. After spending years talking to thousands of women, I can tell you that much for sure.

Look back at the previous four points. Do you really have to be a bad person to have any of those qualities?

You can be strong; you can have things going on in your life; you can learn to know when it’s time to keep your distance; you can be direct… And still be a great guy.

All the most attractive men I know are incredibly kind and generous. Being an asshole isn’t sexy or manly; when given a choice between a good guy and a bad guy with all of the above qualities, women will always pick the good guy.




Girls don’t like assholes. They like strong, challenging men with exciting lives. You don’t have to be a jerk to have all those attractive qualities – great news if you’re like me and enjoy being nice to people.

Yes, a very small minority of women confuses cruelty with strength. They’ll always be attracted to men who mistreat them – but you don’t want those girls anyway.

The ones you do want will appreciate your niceness and love you for it. Find them, attract them with your awesomeness and don’t be an asshole!


If you ever felt like the jerks get all the girls, comment below and share your story – and consider using the buttons on this page to share this post with your friends!

{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Billy Taylor December 10, 2012 at 9:52 pm

Solid as usual, George.


George P.H. December 10, 2012 at 9:55 pm

Thanks, I appreciate that!


Laura December 10, 2012 at 10:24 pm

I was going to bash you with ‘but they don’t need to be assholea to have these qualities’ and then you gave me points 4 and 5 and I could breathe again and agree with you. The thing is though here, that when life gives you what you want and it gives it to you prettyuxh free of charge – it’s easy to become more or less an asahole. Whether your a guy or a girl. Simply because of how people allow you to treat them. Sometimes you just end up testing when will their self respect kick in. Our society is just too good at making us want to please others and feel fulfilment this way. Those who have the benefit of growing up in an environment that teaches them that being good to others is important but being good or at least fair to ourselves comes first are the most attractive. Because you can feel their self sufficiency, their energy. And most people want some of it, to feel part of this independent self esteem. Hence inexplicable attraction. I hope this makes some sense :)


George P.H. December 10, 2012 at 10:49 pm

What you’re saying makes perfect sense. That’s what I meant when I said strong men are attractive – and strong women are, too. Strength, self-sufficiency and having the nuts to go against the grain are all very sexy qualities.

I understand so well why they say “nice guys finish last,” because that’s how I used to feel. But the truly beautiful people are tough AND good to others. No asshole – male or female – can compare to that no matter how strong they are!


Lopi December 11, 2012 at 5:23 pm

I guess this is, more or less, what women really mean with “be yourself”; if you want something, anything, be assertive, and go for it directly. I live in Romania, and this fact is, really, univeral. I could go on, but I really don’t have the time right now; I only hope that I won’t lurk as much around here in the future, and be more active. Anyway, thanks a lot, George, for another spot-on article!


George P.H. December 11, 2012 at 9:22 pm

Thank you Lopi, I appreciate that. You’re right – girls don’t want perfect guys, they just want guys who aren’t afraid to be themselves! Plus they’re better at knowing when someone’s lying than we are so it’s best to be real from the start :) .

Look forward to reading more of your comments, brother!


J. Delancy December 12, 2012 at 1:59 pm

You did an outstanding job on this post George. Women often deny that they are indeed attracted to assholes but the phenomena has actually been tested by social scientist.
Anyone interested in can read the following scientific papers and articles:



http://nd.edu/~cba/Nice–JPSPInPress.pdf (Cornell University, no less)



George P.H. December 13, 2012 at 10:49 am

Wow, I’m amazed you found all these links. I’ve seen the article on Psychology Today and the Cornell study before, but not the other two. This is great stuff.

Another (similar) thing society denies is that women are attracted to men who seek sex over romantic relationships; I’m gonna see if I can dig up some studies on that and hopefully make a post in the near future.


Leah December 13, 2012 at 4:10 pm

George, I LOVE this post! Thanks to the weird and wonderful world of internet dating I’ve had my fair share of dates in recent months. After all those dates I can confirm that the things I find most attractive in a man are self confidence (without being arrogant), ambition and passion for whatever they’re doing in life (this is totally infectious and incredibly attractive – whoever fancied a man who didn’t want to do anything with his life) and an ability to just make a flipping decision and not be all like ‘well, what do you want to do…?’ (urgh, I want to know my man is in control!)

Unfortunately so many men seem to be so worried about making a good impression that they forget just to be themselves. And like you say, if you’re not being real, we can tell…and that’s never going to get you very far. Be yourself, don’t apologise for it and if that doesn’t work then it’s not the girl for you!


George P.H. December 15, 2012 at 9:04 am

I’m glad you like it! And everything you said is super true. Sounds like all that online dating has made you wise :) . Be careful; don’t break too many hearts out there!


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