The build-up to sex is always similar, whether it’s a one-night stand or a couple’s first time together. Men act by showing interest, proposing dates and physically escalating towards intimacy. Women react by allowing or rejecting these advances.
Here’s the tricky part. Guys want to start having sex as soon as they’re attracted to someone. Girls are different – they work hard to delay physical intimacy, at least until they feel ready.
As a result, many men think of sex as a kind of favor; something women don’t enjoy but give to us once we’ve “earned” it. The big question is – is it true? Do men really want sex more than women?
Who Wants It More?
First of all, it’s true – guys do want sex more. Kinda.
Having said that, it’s ignorant to think that women don’t love sex. After all, they can get multiple orgasms; the clitoris has more nerve endings than any other human organ. In many ways, the female body is better adapted for receiving sexual pleasure than a man’s!
Another common misconception is that women like “pure,” missionary-position, lights-off sex. Some clients tell me stuff like: “I fantasize about dominating her in bed, but I’m scared she won’t like it if I try.” The underlying belief is that women don’t enjoy sex – and the rough, kinky stuff is especially unpleasant to them.
While these are just fantasies, the point is that girls want the same dirty stuff we do! They think about sex (if only 10 times a day); they enjoy it more than us physically; they have the same kinky fantasies we do.
So why can women appear so unenthusiastic about doin’ the horizontal mambo?
Why They Act Like They Don’t Want It
Women have two good sets of reasons for acting like they don’t want sex – or withholding it from an interested male.
The first set of reasons is biological and goes something like this.
The 2 natural functions of a living organism are to survive and procreate. To do the latter successfully, a man simply has to impregnate a woman. She, on the other hand, has to carry an unborn child around for 9 months.
So to improve the probability of their offspring surviving, women have evolved to prefer sexual partners who stick around and take care of them during pregnancy. Making guys wait for sex helps filter out the impatient, unreliable ones. If he’s not willing to wait for sex, he probably won’t be there during the pregnancy!
It doesn’t matter that you might be using condoms or other contraceptives. This defensive mechanism is automatic. If you’re sleeping with a woman, she’s subconsciously allowing you to impregnate her – so the reflex to delay sex gets activated no matter what.
On top of that, there are social reasons for women to act like they don’t want sex.
In our society, promiscuous women are looked down upon and given negative labels like “slut” and “whore”. Girls are very conscious about these labels and what other people might think of them if they act on their sexual impulses.
(This is why seduction theory has an entire phase called “isolation.” It refers to getting a girl away from her friends, because women will rarely – if ever – be openly sexual around people they know. The risk of looking like a “slut” is too high.)
The fear of public opinion is also why girls often say things like “I don’t usually do this…” before going home with us. It’s not that they don’t want to – they’re just afraid we might think they’re sluts and rationalize they behavior. The desire to look like a “good girl” prevents them from expressing their sexuality openly.
What It All Means For You
Getting back to the original question – “Do men want sex more than women?” – yes, they do, but only a little. Women enjoy it at least as much and even have the same dirty fantasies as us.
The problem is, they’re biologically programmed to screen men more thoroughly than vice versa. On top of that, they worry about public opinion and looking promiscuous. As a result, they don’t act on their sexual impulses like we do.
The best way to transform this knowledge into more sex? Learn to be patient, discrete and non-judgmental.
If you like a girl, don’t rush her into sex. Be open about your desires, but don’t force things too much – she’ll let you in when she trusts you. She needs to feel that you’ll stick around, and the best way to show that is by being patient before sex.
Also, give women the chance to express themselves freely. Don’t judge them for enjoying sex, and make it clear that you’re a discrete man who can keep secrets. If she knows that her actions will never be judged or disclosed to other people, she’ll start having all the glorious, glorious sex with you that much faster.