5 Reasons Your Girl’s Gonna Dump You – And What You Can Do To Keep Her

by George P.H. on March 23, 2012

Not only are men are more likely to suffer after break-ups – women leave us more often than we leave them. (And initiate 70% of all divorces).

You don’t want that to be your story. Trust me – when a good girl walks out on you, it hurts bad.

But if you’re an average guy, you might not understand why chicks leave guys and what you can do to keep your girl around.

In this post, I’ll explain how you can:

  • Get your girlfriend’s eyes to light up every time she sees you.
  • Make sure she won’t find anyone better than you when she goes out.
  • Hold on to the girl you care about on your terms.
  • Get more of the things you like – steaks, massages, sexual favors – in your relationship.

Let’s start by understanding the why’s of women leaving men.

Reason #1 – She’s Less Inclined to Seek Approval Than You Are

Women get boatloads of approval everyday. They support each other; they’re physical with each other (hugs and kisses); they give each other compliments freely.

Not only that – strangers are nice to girls, especially attractive ones. From the guys hitting on her (every day) to the clerk at the mall, everyone’s giving your girlfriend compliments and attention.

You, on the other hand, get none of that good stuff.

That’s why your girl’s a lot less scared of breaking up than you are. She can get approval whenever she wants it. You, on the other hand, will struggle get any if you lose her.

Reason #2 – She Has More Options Than You

Remember how I said guys are hitting on your girl every day? Yeah.

Men aren’t all that picky. Your girlfriend has 5 guys who’d love to take her out right now in her phonebook. New dudes are hitting on her all the time, too. (I’ve been one of those “new dudes” many times).

Your girlfriend always has the option to find someone else without making any effort. Always keep that in mind.

Reason #3 – You’re Not Making Her Feel Like You Used To

Women often complain their boyfriends get lazier and lazier over time.

This makes sense as far as evolutionary psychology goes. When you start having sex with a girl, you subconsciously impregnate her. After successfully passing on your genes, you feel less inclined to make an effort.

That may have worked for our ancestors but it doesn’t work for us. My PUA mentors told me a woman needs to be seduced every day, not just once. He was right – if you’re not making her feel like you used to, you’ll get dumped. Always remember to do all the things that attracted her in the first place.

Reason #4 – She’s Tired of You Supplicating to Her

Because of Reasons #1 & #2, many men (correctly) feel their girlfriends can easily leave them. To prevent that, they start giving women everything they ask for.

I know a guy who lets his girlfriend terrorize him with jealousy. She freaks out if he so much as speaks to another girl. He understands this is crazy but does nothing out of fear of losing his woman.

This is a huge mistake. Girls love and respect strong, confident men. They hate pushovers who’ll do anything for them.

You do need to make an effort (see Reason #3) every day but being a wimp isn’t the answer. Always put your core values first – even if it feels like you might lose your girlfriend.

Reason #5 – You Don’t Know What You Want From Her

Here’s a little secret about women. Eventually, they want “something more”.

This could be a committed relationship, a ring (there’s even a theme song) or something else. You need to know if you want the same things – otherwise you’ll lose your chick or make some bad, bad decisions.

If you’re serious about your girlfriend, let her know; don’t flip-flop. I’m not saying you have to marry her, but give her some certainty about your future together.

If you don’t see a happy outcome for the two of you, be honest with her (and yourself). You’ll break up eventually – but there’ll be a lot less drama and pain.

Getting Your Girl to Stick Around – and Love You More

Understanding the reasons girls leave their guys so often is important.

But what you really want is to make your girlfriend’s heart sing every time she thinks of you. Being in a relationship with someone who’s deeply grateful to have you is an incredible feeling. Here’s how you can make that happen:

  • Be romantic. This is important – women notice thoughtful gestures, especially in long-term relationships. Don’t take her for granted.
  • Make an effort to look good. No relationship gut, no bummy clothes, etc.
  • Stand up for what you believe in, even if it means disagreeing. As long as you’re not doing it for your ego, she’ll respect you for it.
  • In light of the previous point, pick your battles. Learn to compromise and don’t fight over petty things.
  • Hone your social skills. She has options – make sure you have some, too.
  • When you’re together, make her feel like she’s the only woman in the world; give her your undivided attention.
  • Build social circles. Being reliant on her for all your approval and positive emotions is a disaster waiting to happen.
  • Know what you want and communicate it clearly. If you’re cool with committing, don’t be bashful about it.
  • Be honest. Everyone screws up, but lying in order to be liked will make you revolting to most women.

And that’s that – a guide to why girls dump guys and how you can keep your girlfriend around!

If you enjoyed this post or have something to say about break-ups, write your message below. I always reply; we could have a fun conversation and learn something new ;) .

George P.H.

{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }

Flowers March 26, 2012 at 9:56 am

Oh my god this sounds like a lot of hard work!! Are we (women) really this complicated and difficult?! WOW!

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George P.H. March 26, 2012 at 1:24 pm

Sarah

Thank you for the comment :) . I think that relationships always involve hard work. And I like your site – if I had the space, I would’ve mentioned “Flowers” as a wonderful gift too many men forget about in the post ;) .

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Mauro Frigino June 28, 2012 at 2:26 pm

Its totally true we guys have to work hard and this is why most women I have been with could almost come out with a concealed trial everyday to see if I was doing enough to earn her, being a guy I have been superficial enough to realize I was being “tested” everyday often only after the relationship was over, we have to work hard everyday that`s why its said that having a girlfriend is like havin another job, unfortunately some girls are scary need and very high manteinance and can cause very bad upset to us guys cause they tend to abuse their power to manipulate us and make us do things we wouldnt normally do just to prove them we care.

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Napoleon okugbe July 17, 2012 at 8:49 pm

I think this is absolutely important in keeping a strong and nice relationship…Apply those advice and it will help.Nice post……

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George P.H. July 20, 2012 at 8:26 am

Thank you, Okugbe! Appreciate the compliment.

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Mark September 4, 2012 at 8:03 pm

Yes. I’m a very nice guy and attractive and I always get dumped. Women say I’m too nice. what’s wrong with holding hands and cooking for them and telling a woman how smart she is. I don’t understand women

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George P.H. September 18, 2012 at 10:29 am

Keep reading my blog and things should become a little clearer, my friend! :)

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JBarros March 29, 2012 at 3:03 pm

I like your post although I think you are putting way much to effort. Honestly I believe that a man needs to truly focus on what is important in life and not on women. Women is just a bi product of being great.

Sorry but a relationship doesn’t involve hard work, it’s ment to be fun and an oportunity to explore new options. We are born in a society that everything seems to be hard work but no.

A man who is confident, confortable in his own skin, grooms well as so much or more choice with than a girl who is dead beautiful with guys. The thing is that guys and women have different focuses. Women like a guy with personality and a man focus initially more in a women’s beauty and only than in her personality.

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George P.H. March 30, 2012 at 7:46 am

Hey, JBarros.

Thanks for your comment :) . I think relationships do require hard work, though. Still, it’s cool to see a different opinion!

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Matt April 8, 2012 at 2:18 pm

Dear writer!
I think i may have been a bit of a push over. The thing is all my previous relationship have only lasted for three months, so i realy want this one to last-i want to marry her. I always joked about it saying it is nw my tradition, bt i realy hate it. I want a lasting relationship-for once in my life. One more thing, i lied to her about the number of girls i’ve had sex with-she’s the only girl i’ve slept with. Should i tell her??? Well i sort of did tell her but in a way that she still has doupts. Please assist!

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Victoria April 26, 2012 at 10:44 pm

I have only one thing to say to this post- AMEN. ;)

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Sucker4love May 2, 2012 at 1:59 pm

Good post dude. Can you do an article on how to get girls back after breakups? I’m a pro at that lol I can write it for you.

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Elementawr July 23, 2012 at 6:51 am

Damn ThAt happens to me everytime and everytime i say to her what she wants she just says nothing. Like the word NOTHING. Makes me go
nuts about it!

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Dheeraj September 8, 2012 at 5:08 pm

Nicely written,… hope it will help………….

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Leo September 13, 2012 at 1:50 pm

Recently dated a wonderful 49yr old woman for a couple of mnths (I’m 50) and right from the get-go until the last couple of weeks we were together she emailed me and texted me every day saying nice things to me like: you are good for my soul, you are hands down the most decent man I have ever met, you are awesome, etc. etc. Plus, her actions relted this and it felt GREAT to have a beautiful gal like her be so “into” me! Last week and a half we were together, though things kinda went cold and she eventually called us off citing the need to focus on family, kids and job and not having “room” in her life for a relationship right now. Gracefully, I bowed out as I certainly didn’t want to be responsible for “complicating” her life, though I was saddened by this seemingly sudden turn of events. Found out though a couple weeks after that she had dumped me to become involved with a guy she met at a local coffee shop just shortly after we started seeing each other … why would a lady act all “into” the guy she is involved with only to dump him for another? Don’t women realize that by saying/doing nice things for a guy will only serve to cause him to become emotionally involved, making a breakup all the more cruel and hurtful? I don’t understand it?

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George P.H. September 18, 2012 at 10:25 am

Hey, Leo

The question I always ask my friends and clients is, “would she have said that if you were Brad Pitt?” Would she have needed more room if you were incredibly valuable in her eyes? Of course not. So the real problem is, you stopped having value as a man to her.

From the tone of your message, it sounds like you became dependent on her – if only a little – for your emotional and self-esteem needs. This is the kiss of death in attraction. She most likely thought you were becoming needy or too available, felt turned off, and then backwards rationalized her new feelings.

To understand this, first realize that women are not logical like us. They feel first and rationalize later. I hope the posts on my site can help you figure things out a little!

George

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Thinker September 26, 2012 at 5:09 am

I don’t think most women are like that. Relationships are a two-way street. Both sides have to give and take, one side cannot do all the taking or all the giving. A good relationship also has some mystery. If a guy talks too much about himself and does not let the girl talk much, it could get boring. And from the experience I have had, I can tell you that if a guy constantly calls a girl ‘cute’, it gets real old real fast and annoying. Especially if the word keeps evolving, like cutie or cutie patoodie. Also, if a guy is super aggressive about starting a relationship and keeps hinting at it when your just trying to know each other, thats not much of a turnon. Makes the person seem desperate.
I do think you need to be romantic or at least considerate, not every single time, but good girls do remember the small stuff. Opening a door, picking a place that is closer to where she lives, or a time that fits her schedule better. I also think doing events together can make things more fun. I don’t mean just movies or bowling, but sports and boardgames. Get a little competitive. Thats my advice from a girls prospective. I’ve had a couple guys hit on me recently and thats how I felt about their actions. Hope it helps you! I think that unless shes a superficial person, this information should come in handy.

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George P.H. September 26, 2012 at 8:02 pm

Hey, “Thinker.” Thank you for sharing your ideas on keeping things interesting. It’s always good to get a girl’s perspective :)

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Mike October 5, 2012 at 11:01 pm

This is a very thorough list, I agree somewhat with Thinker. It all depends on the girl you are dealing with.
A relationship should definitely be a two way street as she mentioned above and if a girl isn’t willing to give as much as she takes, maybe it’s not worth trying to hang onto her. And and i’d advise not to settle, and respect yourself.
But for specific women i think this is spot on.

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naveen January 16, 2013 at 5:29 am

my girlfriend is a flirter……she got many boyfriends in her life….and i hd only one girl in my life and thats her……i dont look handsome….i dnt hv that much good signs of talking with my girl that may feel her that she is happy or ok with me.first she showed me lot of signs that she really love me after few days she started ignoring me and she started lieng to me….after few days she patched up wit her ex boyfriend and she ditched me for a very simple reason……so plz help me how i can get her back..because i love her a lot..plz help me i wil be very gtateful if u help me…

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Will February 7, 2013 at 5:26 am

Interesting blog article George. So, in a breakup, I’ve noticed that the girl is usually very nice about it and compliments the guy in several ways (like you’re great, sweet guy, I had so much fun with you, blah blah blah) but then dumps you anyways. You end up being left wondering what you did wrong. Maybe these women just do this to guys over and over again, I don’t konw… I’d be curious to hear other people’s thoughts. Personally, for me, when I dump a chick it is for a reason that she pissed me off about something or her values were out of line with me, and I really have nothing nice to say about them, so I just try to keep it civil and let them know that were not compatible.

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